


Tired Lines; Soonhoon

by kwanies



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Insomnia, M/M, Soonhoon - Freeform, also ! the other members show up but they play very minor roles, except for mingyu he's a lil important, hopefully this doesn't turn out terrible lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-01 01:55:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 20,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15764229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwanies/pseuds/kwanies
Summary: Jihoon isn't tired - quite the opposite, actually. He hasn't slept a full eight hours since God knows when and the circles under his eyes would put the dark side of the moon to shame. Maybe he wishes he could remember what it feels like to be sleepy while it's still dark out, but the cute waiter at the nearby night café certainly isn't hurting anyone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello there !! i'm really really terrible at author's notes so i don't really have much to say here, but i would like to mention one thing ! some chapters will be quite short and others a bit longer - usually i aim to have each chapter be at least 1,000 words in my stories but the formatting for this one in particular is a bit different, so that's why. i promise i'm not just slacking sdfgghj
> 
> p.s. this work has also been posted to my wattpad under the username kwanies !

☽

 

**1:08 am.**

Jihoon's bones feel heavy as he slides into a booth, one of those meant for a single person. His eyes burn against the glare of his laptop despite the screen being as dim as it can be, and he's wondering why he didn't just bring a book - but then he remembers that he can't read more than one sentence without spacing out and losing his train of thought.

So, to put it simply, the situation at hand is not comfortable. Even if the cushion he's sitting on is soft and the heating inside is just right and the overhead lights aren't too bright, and the atmosphere is quiet - Jihoon isn't comfortable. He hasn't been, for some nights. He hasn't slept for some nights. 

And it wasn't weird, not at first. Jihoon often went through periods of sleeplessness, where he'd face some bout of insomnia for a week or two and then sleep fine for the next month, until he hit that block again. But this block, this time around, is particularly hard to get past. It's been three weeks and Jihoon's pretty sure running on three hours of sleep and more than a few double espressos every day isn't the  _healthiest_  habit to be getting into, but it's not like he can help it, you know? No matter how deliriously sleep-deprived he may be, sleep never comes. It can feel moments away, just grazing his fingertips, and it'll be snatched from him in an instant. Sleeping feels easy up until he actually tries to  _fall asleep_  - and fuck, it's not like he  _wants_  to deal with that.

That's concern number one, right there. Insomnia's a bitch. Number two, however, comes in the form of a lovely barista with crescent eyes and the prettiest smile Jihoon's ever seen; it's gotten to the point where said barista has memorized Jihoon's name, and yes, it is  _slightly_  embarrassing, but damn it if he isn't going to coup himself up in the warmest corner of the café for the next three hours  _for the eighth night in a row._ Damn it, he will.

Even if he knows something's wrong with him. Even if that perfect stranger knows it, too.

 

**4:27 am.**

Jihoon likes that this barista also, seemingly, has the shittest sleep schedule on the planet. Maybe he's a little worried - does he sleep during the day? - but in these still, quiet moments, when he's waiting for exhaustion to finally take over, Jihoon likes watching the strange boy behind the counter. He likes letting his eyes close partially, and making out the fuzzy form from beyond his eyelashes. He moves his feet in patterns that are too mesmerizing to not be calculated, and sometimes he murmurs along a tune that's too quiet for Jihoon to make out. It's nice, either way. He's nice.

Jihoon knows he's being very, very silly - but he also doesn't remember what eight full hours of sleep feel like, so maybe silly is justified.

That's what he's telling himself as he trudges home that night, finally feeling like maybe he'll be able to pass out on his mattress for a little while. 


	2. Chapter 2

☽

 

**10:51 am.**

"Jihoon, right?"

His voice is sort of melodic, but just a  _little_  rough. Like a silk ribbon with frayed edges. It's nice, it's really nice, and Jihoon is way too awake right now to handle it. It's okay when his brain is foggy, it's okay because then he doesn't really think about anything, things just  _are_.

But being awake - the kind of awake that's like, I Just Woke Up, Brushed My Teeth And Had My Morning Coffee awake - Jihoon thinks  _too much_. And that's not good, not in the least, because this boy is too cute for his own good and his voice  _maybe_  makes Jihoon feel a little woozy, and he's not sure he can stand making an idiot out of himself right now.

It's the same thing that's been happening every night since the first night Jihoon decided to start coming here - greet the barista, give him the order, and mutter thanks before going to pick someplace to sit, all while being insufferably flustered. Except tonight is different, and Jihoon's not sure why. Maybe it's the moon - that's what they do in the films, isn't it? Blame things on the moon? - or maybe Jihoon's just starting to lose it after so many weeks of going on the way he has been.

Whatever it is, he finds it in him to ask, "Hey, what's your name?" when he goes to grab his drink from the counter. He's beginning to question the legitimacy of chamomile's so-called 'healing' properties; Jihoon most definitely does not feel  _healed_  after so many nights spent drinking the stuff.

But that's not what he's thinking about right now, no, no - he's too distracted by the soft,  _soft_ smile that graces this boy's face, like, "Hey, what's your name?" is the kindest question he's ever been asked.

"Soonyoung," he says, and Jihoon absolutely does  _not_  have an explanation for the way his knees go weak at that.

And that's it.

 

**2:39 am.**

"Why don't you try lavender?" Jihoon's gone to order another cup of tea - who knew insomnia could be so  _pricey_  - but he freezes when Soonyoung speaks to him, dumbstruck upon hearing something other than, "Sure, anything else?" When he doesn't respond right away, the barista continues, "Lavender's also good for sleep, y'know, if chamomile's not working so well." After maybe five more seconds of Jihoon standing there silently, looking like a deer caught in headlights, he musters up some sort of response.

"Oh, yeah. Sure. Thanks."

He always did consider himself eloquent, huh.

 

**4:58 am.**

He's been staring at his notebook for the last fifteen minutes, now, trying his goddamn best to be somewhat productive despite feeling absolutely fried. His brain is caught in some awful state, somewhere in between 'I'm so tired I could pass out' and 'There's no way I'll be sleeping anytime soon,' and it isn't really setting the tone for  _work_. He's still struggling to fish out something that vaguely resembles a decent song lyric when the question startles him -

"Are you still in school?"

He looks up, and he blanks. Soonyoung's eyes are warm, he notes, so much warmer than the lavender he'd had however many hours ago, and they're sending his conscious (or, what's left of it) into a frenzy. Jihoon was never one for eye contact - something about intimacy? - but this is so much worse, because Jihoon's also never really known how to act in situations like these, when the back of his neck is hot and his heart is lodged between his ribs, and he's panicking, panicking -

"Uh, yeah. I go to the university near here."

"Oh! What year are you?" Those eyes light up, and there's  _no way_  Jihoon's going to fall asleep within the next hour, not when he's hyper-focusing on everything about the boy in front of him. He can't think of anything else.

He clears his throat, murmuring, "My third," and hoping he doesn't sound too off-putting. His voice is too cold, too slowed down by lethargy, but Soonyoung's smile doesn't waver.

"Ah, I'm in my fourth, doing online classes. It's funny, I visit campus every now and then because I have friends who go there, but I've never seen you around."

Jihoon chooses not to mention the fact that he barely ever leaves his dorm, except to attend classes, and instead, he says, "I'm really hoping you find time to rest, otherwise you'd have to convince me that you're some sort of god who doesn't need sleep to function."

And maybe it comes out sounding  _really_  stupid, and maybe Jihoon cringes  _really hard_  as soon as the words leave his mouth - but Soonyoung laughs, so maybe it isn't that bad, right?

"I think  _you_  might have to do that, actually. Please tell me you don't attend regular classes when you're spending nearly every night in here, because I'm pretty sure that's not good for you." Jihoon's smile borders on bitter.

"Yeah, I don't think it is, either." And then Soonyoung frowns, and it isn't upset, exactly, but it makes Jihoon squirm with guilt nonetheless.

"Go home, get some rest," he says.

 

**5:06 am.**

The air is chilly on Jihoon's skin as he walks back to his dorm.


	3. Chapter 3

☽

 

**12:42 am.**

"What are you writing?"

Jihoon's hand instinctively moves to cover the page, his eyes snapping up to see Soonyoung, whose arm is stretched out to lean against the table and head tilted in questioning. Jihoon, much to his own chagrin, feels his cheeks heat up.

"Er, nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Yeah. Nothing."

"Like, the word 'nothing?' Or is your pen out of ink?" Jihoon's blush burns even hotter, and he swallows, insisting that it's  _nothing important_.

"Oh, it doesn't have to be important," Soonyoung says, slipping into the seat across Jihoon. The latter quickly glances around the café to find maybe one or two other customers, but none who look ready to place an order, and his heart rate picks up when he notices the barista watching him expectantly. "I'm just curious," he adds. Jihoon hates the way his breath shakes when he exhales.

"Just, song lyrics." Soonyoung's eyes widen, and Jihoon finds it  _really_  hard to breathe with his heart lodged in his throat the way it is.

"Wait, are you a songwriter?" Jihoon nods, but just barely, and Soonyoung leans forward with a kind of impress that's almost comical. "That's so cool, that's - wow,  _wow_ \- "

"It's really nothing," Jihoon interrupts before Soonyoung has the chance to say anymore - before he has the chance to  _combust_.

"I don't think it really is."

Jihoon falls quiet, then, not knowing what to say. He isn't good at talking to people, he doesn't know how to carry the conversation or make people laugh, he isn't fluid like that. He's stiff and reserved and awkward - and try as he might, he can never seem to force himself to be anything else. Mingyu says he just needs to warm up to people, but Mingyu seems to be one of the few people Jihoon has actually warmed up to.

"I like choreographing," Soonyoung offers, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I don't do it like, professionally or anything, but it's a hobby of mine."

"Same. With songwriting, I mean."

"There, see? We have something in common."

"We do?" Soonyoung breathes out a laugh, and Jihoon's heart skips a beat for every rise and fall in its tone. 

"Yeah. And I'm sure there are other things, too."

Which, frankly, Jihoon doubts. He doesn't  _know_  Soonyoung, he knows that, but Jihoon thinks he's a good judge of character. Soonyoung had the confidence to approach him, Soonyoung is comfortable offering up information, pulling Jihoon out into conversational waters with him - Soonyoung, so far, has proven to be what Jihoon can't. He can't see the similarities.

"But, I mean, who knows?" Soonyoung says. "I'll only be able to figure that out if you let me."

 

**1:26 am.**

Jihoon has never felt more conflicted. On the one hand, he hates regular human interaction and doesn't know how to function in any sort of social situation - on the other, Soonyoung is the prettiest boy he's ever met, and he's never been so inclined to get to know someone who's  _practically_ a stranger. Thankfully - thankfully? - Soonyoung seems to feel the same regarding that last bit.

He has to go, at some point, to actually do his job, but every now and then he passes Jihoon's table to make some comment or another about how  _that woman ordered a latte but I made it decaf because caffeine at this hour isn't healthy,_ or  _this is the fifth time I've seen that guy this week._

"I mean, I've been coming here every day for  _over_  a week," Jihoon deadpans.

"But you're different, I actually like seeing you," Soonyoung says, his elbows propped against the counter and his chin in his hands as he eyes Jihoon.

"Why's that?" Jihoon tries to ignore the way his fingertips tingle and his throat tickles, because it's stupid, it really is, that he should get so worked up over something so small.

"That guy's kind of an asshole," the barista continues. "I messed up his order  _once_  and he gave me a hard time for it."

"That's dumb."

"Mm-hmm," Soonyoung nods, "it is."

Jihoon's pretending to be focused on his notepad - still no progress - but every now and then, he glances out of the corner of his eye in Soonyoung's direction. Every now and then, a blush creeps onto his face, dusting his cheeks and the tip of his nose when he catches Soonyoung glancing, too.


	4. Chapter 4

☽

 

**3:02 am.**

Jihoon wants desperately for his brain to shut off.

He's tired, so fucking  _tired_ , and he's tried everything - teas, milk with honey, exercise before bed, some stupid body lotion gifted to him by Mingyu ("Who knows? It might work!") - spoiler alert, it didn't work. None of it ever worked.

He's past the point of quiet disappointment, now. He's frustrated, he's annoyed, and he's so, so  _irritable_ ; he's barely keeping up with his classes, he hasn't managed to finish a song in weeks, the only person he ever talks to is Mingyu - and Jihoon's pretty sure that's only because they  _live_  together.

He wants to drift off. He wants his eyes to stop stinging, and for the dull ache at the back of his head to dissipate. He knows he should stop going to that damn café, but he can't. That's his fault. That's on him.

"Why don't you sleep?"

Jihoon raises one unimpressed brow. Soonyoung's chin rests in the palm of his hand, and his mouth forms a silent  _oh_  in understanding.

"I wish I could," Jihoon says. "I've gotten  _maybe_  30 hours of sleep in the last week. It fucking sucks."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I feel like shit."

"What does - What does it feel like?"

"Shit."

Soonyoung frowns. "Maybe be a little more specific," he says. Jihoon presses his body into the back of his seat, sighing.

"It's like ... like my mind is completely separate from my body. Like, I could be so physically exhausted - I  _am_  so physically exhausted - but my brain refuses to turn off for more than a few hours. Normal tasks are more difficult, forming coherent thoughts and sentences is something I actually struggle to do, and you already  _know_  emotional control is a lost cause, so I have to really bite my tongue and force myself not to lash out at every inane thing someone says."

And there's so much more to it than just that - Mingyu has to walk on eggshells around Jihoon when he gets like this, he feels terribly guilty for that alone. His appetite gets all fucked up, he feels resigned to everything, and life doesn't stop on account of insomnia; Jihoon still has to attend classes, he still has to do well on his exams, still has to go out and live like every other human being - except living isn't as hellish for every other human being as it is for him.

"Why do you come here every night?" Soonyoung asks, and Jihoon shrugs.

"It gets boring trying to sleep, just staring into darkness for hours on end. It feels marginally better to get out of bed and do something."

"Hm. I don't know if I should be happy about that, or if I should ban you from coming here."

"Ban me?"

"Yes. Go home, lay in bed until your stubborn brain gives out."

"And what will you do?"

"Google every known remedy to insomnia and force you to try them all the next time I see you, obviously."

 

**3:31 am.**

Jihoon's laying in bed, staring at his ceiling. He didn't tell Soonyoung that he's already tried everything.


	5. Chapter 5

☽

 

**11:02 am.**

Jihoon's decided to skip class for today, at Mingyu's insistence. The latter had shut off Jihoon's alarm the night before, unbeknownst to him, and there was only so much he could do when he'd woken up to find that he'd already slept through most of his first period. It feels like giving up, taking the whole day off, and Jihoon hates it - but he'd be lying if he said the extra two hours of sleep weren't delightful.

"Go back to bed, Jihoon. You don't have anything to worry about for the rest of the day, so why don't you just sleep?"

"You do realize that insomnia isn't something that just affects me during the nighttime, right?"

"Stay in, at the very least. Do nothing - don't even work on your song, just lay in bed and watch movies. Can I make you something to drink? Not alcohol, I don't think that would - "

"Why do you worry so much, Mingyu?" Jihoon sighs, looking up at his roommate with something like dejection. It's not that he doesn't appreciate the efforts - he does, God, he really does - but as of late Jihoon had been nothing if not tetchy, and Mingyu had been taking the brunt of that attitude. He'd started to wonder why the boy hadn't filed for a dorm change.

"You're so funny," Mingyu says, teeth glinting under the light overhead. "I worry because you're my friend, and I care about you, as crazy as that sounds. I'd never dream of changing dorms."

"You wouldn't?"

"What, and leave behind my favorite gremlin? Never."

 

**12:33 pm.**

Jihoon had tried to follow through with Mingyu's instructions, really, but it was upon the realization that their pantry was worryingly empty and his stomach wouldn't stop complaining that he figured he ought to go get himself something for lunch. Mingyu had left some time ago to attend a study session, so he was alone.

 

**12:46 pm.**

Jihoon's no good at cooking, so he's scanning the aisle for anything that can be heated up in the microwave that  _won't_  also give him food poisoning of some sort. His standards when it comes to meals, these days, aren't exactly the highest.

But then he's thinking that it might be a good idea to stock up on some cereal, because even if he chooses to skip out on breakfast most mornings he recalls Mingyu complaining that they were out of Oreo O's, at one point or another, and figures it's the least he can do to buy a box or two. 

That's when the first issue is encountered - Oreo O's are kept on the highest shelf.

Which, in all honesty, the highest shelf isn't  _that_  high, but Jihoon isn't  _that_  tall, either.

He resigns to craning his neck in the cereal's direction, staring at it silently as if the mere force of his glare will somehow knock it over and into his basket. But it isn't his glare that does the trick, no - help comes in the form of a familiar, heart-achingly pretty barista.

"Do you need help?"

Jihoon scowls, despite himself. Soonyoung isn't  _so_  much taller than him, but he is capable of reaching, so as much as he hates needing the help, Jihoon nods and points to the cereal. Soonyoung has two boxes down within seconds, not even needing to fully extend his arms to do so, and Jihoon doesn't want to ask why he's giggling when he hands them over.

"What are you doing here?" Soonyoung asks, schooling his smile into something more neutral. "Don't you have class?"

"I'm, uh, taking the day off."

"You slept in, I hope?"

" ... You hope?"

"Yeah, I do."

Jihoon feels wonderfully and disgustingly embarrassed - it's essentially the same as what Mingyu had told him earlier that morning, something about caring, except it's not the same at all. This isn't Mingyu. It's not the same.

Instead of answering his question, though, Jihoon continues down the aisle, asking, "What about you? Shouldn't  _you_  be at home, sleeping?" Soonyoung follows closely behind.

"Me?"

"Yeah. You work at a night café, you have to get some rest at some point."

Soonyoung breathes out a laugh. "I do - but, I mean, I have other stuff to take care of during the day - " he holds up his own basket, half full, for Jihoon to see " - such as grocery shopping."

"Ah, right."

A thin wall of silence slips between them momentarily; a pause in which neither one of them knows what to say next, or whether or not they should separate, now. He has all he needs, and he doesn't want to be weird, following Soonyoung around the store. He doesn't want Soonyoung to think he's weird. He also doesn't want to leave the boy, though, so that may or may not be an issue.

"How's your song coming along?"

The question catches him off-guard, but once he's processed it, Jihoon scoffs.

"It's not."

"What's the problem?"

"No inspiration, no sleep," he shrugs, "It's like I'm trying to build a house with nothing more than my own two hands."

Soonyoung doesn't respond right away, considering this while he scans a wall of produce. After bagging a few fruits and tossing them into the basket, he says, "I'd tell you to get more sleep, but that might be a bit useless."

"Really, you don't say?"

"I'm assuming you've written other songs before, right?" Soonyoung asks, ignoring Jihoon's sarcasm. "What do you usually draw inspiration from?"

"Uh ... " Jihoon's lower lip catches between his teeth, worrying between answers he can't come up with. Where did he draw his inspiration? The people in his life, the things that happen to him - if he had more than one friend and actually went out and did stuff.

"I'm not sure," he says truthfully. "I like imagining scenarios, like there's a movie in my head and I need to write part of the soundtrack for it. Or - Or then I might have a dream, and I'll write about that."

"A dream?"

Jihoon nods. He had, in fact, only written a song based off a dream of his once before - it was oddly personal, something he'd hesitated to show even Mingyu, but it was one of his favorites. Dreams, unfortunately, don't seem like a viable source of inspiration as of late. He says as much.

"Maybe not," Soonyoung agrees. "You should do something - something you've never done before. Maybe a new experience will spark something, y'know?"

Jihoon makes some noise of understanding. Soonyoung's probably right, but the idea of getting out of his comfort zone is a deplorable one. Jihoon treasures the safety of sticking to what he knows - microwave dinners, his bed, shitty chamomile tea that doesn't work and iced vanilla lattes. Going beyond those things, leaving the shelter he's built for himself, is enough to make him queasy with anxiety.

"Maybe I'll just give up songwriting altogether," he jokes, but it comes out a little sadder than intended. Even so, Soonyoung's smile sticks to his face, light and easygoing. Jihoon wishes he could be like that, light and easygoing. He's more shrouded than anything else.

"Don't be like that," he says. "You'll get there. I'm sure you will."

Jihoon hopes he's right.


	6. Chapter 6

☽

 

**4:36 pm.**

"How'd you spend your day?" is the first thing Jihoon hears upon Mingyu's entrance.

"How should I respond to this?" Jihoon calls from his spot on the couch. He can hear the sound of his roommate tossing his shoes off and walking into the living room, feels the cushion move behind him as Mingyu rests his arms behind his head.

Jihoon instinctively moves away, not being too fond of the close proximity, but not before Mingyu can chuckle out a, "Truthfully, maybe."

"I stayed in, mostly," he answers honestly. "Only left to buy some food. I even got you that disgusting, literally heart-stopping cereal you like so much - you're welcome."

Mingyu hums out his thanks, ruffling Jihoon's hair (much to the latter's chagrin) before moving into the kitchen area, presumably to inhale said cereal and consequently pass out from an overdose on sugar. Jihoon doesn't stop him.

Jihoon and Soonyoung did, of course, separate at some point. Soonyoung had left him with a smiling, "Goodbye" and a look that said something else - see you tonight, maybe? - to which Jihoon had tried his best to muster up something genuine in response. It's not that he has a hard time being sincere, he just has a hard time actually injecting emotion into most of the things he says. Makes it really easy to come off as rude, or fake; not exactly the impression he wants to make on Soonyoung, of all people.

Because Soonyoung comes off kind and warm, and Jihoon, embarrassed as he is to admit it, is struck by him.

 

**9:01**

He decides to come by at an earlier hour than usual.

The night café that Jihoon now considers a second home is, undoubtedly, much cozier and better decorated than his actual home. Soft, cushiony seats line the dark walls, fairy-lights and lowly-lit lamps hang here and there, the heating never strays from comfortable (something Jihoon can definitely appreciate as the Autumn chill sets in) - and Soonyoung, pretty and placid behind the counter.

Jihoon's brought his notepad with him, again, despite knowing it's useless. He'll probably leave it off to the side, favoring Netflix and only pretending to do actual work, and then he'll drag himself back to bed at whatever ungodly hour in the morning and feel bad for letting yet another day go by without making progress.

He's had slumps before, but none like this one. Jihoon decides it's nothing short of torture.

 

**10:17**

"Do you produce the songs you write?"

The question startles him, almost. It's the first thing Soonyoung's said to him since giving him his order, and Jihoon feels almost delighted at the barista's show of interest. He'd never say it, though, because it makes him feel silly. Delighted. Delighted, but silly. Hm.

"I guess," Jihoon says, his voice carrying a slight rasp from lack of use. He clears his throat and tries to ignore the way his cheeks flush a little.

"You guess?"

"I mean, yeah. Being broke most of the time makes it a little difficult to do so, but I try."

"Don't you have a job?"

"Yes."

Jihoon does, actually, have a job. He offers tutoring sessions to families living near campus; the pay is decent and the hours are flexible, and his help is needed plenty - but one of the high schoolers he'd been helping out with music theory lately has been on some family trip for the last week and a half. Which, thank fucking God, because Jihoon has found that it's a million times more difficult to teach and make sense when he's barely keeping his own head above the water as it is.

Soonyoung doesn't press any further, and it's not like he really needs to. Jihoon wasn't lying or anything, he  _does_  produce some of the songs he writes, usually enlisting Mingyu's help when it comes to vocals, or even singing himself, despite having to be on somewhat of a budget.

"Would you ever let me listen to one?" Soonyoung asks, and Jihoon would love to say yes, but his songs are wildly personal and the last thing he wants is for someone like Soonyoung to criticize something so dear to him; he's not sure his self-esteem could handle it.

When Jihoon doesn't respond right away, he continues, "I bet they're wonderful."

Soonyoung's eyes are lit up, two lovely smiles sitting right atop his cheekbones, and his lips are curved upwards in a way that's too,  _too_  cute for Jihoon to handle. He's so bright, so gentle, a full moon of a boy, and Jihoon would say yes if he were just a little braver, if only to see that smile grow wider - because it  _is_  so pretty, isn't it? And who would Jihoon be to deprive the world of such a pretty thing?

"Maybe someday," is what he says, and he wants to mean it.

 


	7. Chapter 7

☽

 

**11:12 pm.**

Jihoon's very much a realist; he doesn't buy into astrology, the concepts of luck and fortune telling and charms and jinxes have no place in his heart or mind, he's never believed in some higher power or fantastical creatures - but now he's thinking that maybe,  _maybe_  angels exist, because how can he believe otherwise when Soonyoung is standing less than fifteen feet away from him?

Mingyu scoffs, "You're so dramatic."

It's another night, one where Mingyu also can't find it in him to sleep ("Why did I let Wonwoo drag me out for coffee once the sun had already set?" hint: it's because Mingyu will do just about anything so long as it involves Wonwoo), and the boy had been curious as to where Jihoon's been getting off to for so many nights, now. "I know you've been leaving the dorm," he'd said, "but I also know it's cold as fuck outside, and there's no way you've been going on six-hour-long walks around campus every night for the last two weeks."

The latter had insisted it was nothing, and Mingyu had insisted it was, which led to a very weak argument in their dorm before Jihoon had scrambled to tug on his shoes and leave the building without Mingyu trailing after him - which, of course, he did anyway. That, in turn, led to the discussion of  _why_  Jihoon was so against the idea of Mingyu accompanying him.

And really, Jihoon could understand Mingyu's confusion. They enjoy each other's company, for the most part, and it's only a café - but then Mingyu cracked some joke about Jihoon having a thing for the barista (something about him blushing when Soonyoung handed him his tea?), which became  _so much less of a joke_  when Jihoon's blush burned brighter at the accusation - Mingyu thinks it's the funniest thing on the goddamn planet, and Jihoon's no longer trying to understand a thing. He just wishes Mingyu would shut up.

"I mean, I kinda get it. He's cute, I guess."

"Shut the fuck up, Mingyu. Why don't you go home and worship your shrine for Wonwoo?"

"At least I'm  _friends_  with the guy I like. You, Jihoon, are hopeless. So, so hopeless."

Which is true, and Jihoon hates it more than anything. It doesn't matter how many exchanges him and Soonyoung share, Jihoon will always be an emotionally stumped mess. He can't talk about his feelings, or  _flirt_  - God, the thought alone makes him shudder with humiliation. Mingyu is cool and casual and it's a fucking wonder he and Wonwoo are still nothing more than friends, but Jihoon - well, does it really need to be said?

"Or maybe not," Mingyu perks up, straightening his back as he looks over Jihoon's head, where the counter is. "He keeps looking at you."

"Stop it," Jihoon groans, burying his face in his arms. "I don't need your teasing." He peeks over the crook of his elbow to see his roommate rolling his eyes, mouth twisting in something close to exasperation.

"Forget it," he says.

 

**12:03 am.**

"How long do you usually stay here?"

"Well, it closes at six."

"You stay here 'till  _six in the morning_? Jihoon, what the fuck." Jihoon shrugs.

"I'd stay longer, if I could."

"Yeah, I'm sure you would," Mingyu grins, wiggling his brows in a way that makes Jihoon want to kick him under the table - and he does, hard.

The other boy only flinches a little, the dumb fucking smile never leaving his face as he reaches across to ruffle Jihoon's hair and says, "Aw, Jihoonie, you're so cute. So, so stupid, but so cute."

Normally, Jihoon wouldn't hesitate to shove the hand away and have a go at breaking every individual finger, but all he can do now is sigh. He doesn't have the energy for being hostile, a fact Mingyu is very well aware of right now, and the latter revels in the opportunity to ridicule his best friend - something he can rarely ever appreciate without having a textbook thrown at his head. 

"Why do you feel the need to touch me?" Jihoon mutters when Mingyu's hand slides down to pinch his cheek, effectively staining it an embarrassing shade of pink.

"Because, as much you  _hate_  hearing this, Jihoonie, you're adorable. Like a child."

"Fuck off, I am a  _grown man_. Not cute, not like a child, none of that bullshit."

"Hey, hey! Who knows, maybe your barista friend likes it. He might think you're  _endearing_." Jihoon growls.

"Or, he's got taste and most definitely is  _not_  into twenty-one-year-olds who look like toddlers."

Jihoon's never been particularly insecure, but that's mainly because he tries to avoid thinking about his general appearance. If he does, if he really pictures himself and the way he looks - well, he could be a little taller, he could be a little more defined. His cheeks could be a little less soft. He could look a little more like his age; it seems that's what most people his age are attracted to.

"Hey now," Mingyu says, his hand falling as he grows serious, "none of that. You're a catch, Jihoon."

"Stop it."

"No, I mean it. You're a real killer. A ten outta ten, if you ask me."

"I will literally snip your vocal chords if you don't shut it, Mingyu."

"Seriously! You're hot, Hoonie, a stunner - "

"I'm leaving," Jihoon announces, standing up, "to get more tea. If I'm lucky, you'll be mute by the time I return."

Mingyu just laughs, and Jihoon wonders why, of all the people that could hold the title of Jihoon's Only Friend, it has to be him.

(He'd never admit that he loves him, though - just a little bit.)


	8. Chapter 8

☽

 

**12:34 am.**

"A real killer, huh?" is the first thing Soonyoung says once Jihoon's ordered and paid. He stands there, now, flushing while he watches the barista brew his tea. Of course he overheard,  _of course_  - it's not that Mingyu is particularly loud, but neither is the café itself, and every breath seems to travel a million miles - every embarrassing comment, reaching Soonyoung's ears, of all people.

Embarrassing. Flattering? No, no, definitely embarrassing.

"Just, ignore him," Jihoon mutters, tugging on his own fingers. Soonyoung exhales, the end of it turning up in something like a laugh before he speaks again.

"It's sweet."

"He's obnoxious."

"He's not wrong." 

 _He's not wrong ..._ He isn't?

Jihoon doesn't process the words, not right away, humming and nodding in response, and when he does -

He nearly chokes, eyes widening as his brain just about short circuits, and surely he misheard? Surely, he imagined it? Or maybe he didn't, and he's just overthinking the implication of three words so small - but he doesn't have time to consider that too much before Soonyoung passes the mug over to him; the latter's own cheeks are hot from the heat of the steam that curls into the air, and Jihoon can just barely get out his thanks before shuffling back to his seat.

"Don't - No, do not say a  _word_ ," he grits out the second he sits, almost sick with embarrassment at the sight of Mingyu's face. The boy's cheeks are puffed slightly, lips pursed against the push of barely withheld laughter, and Jihoon's sure that if looks could kill, his roommate would be out on the floor by now.

"How did you even hear that? We were halfway across the room - you know what, it doesn't matter, you should've been minding your own business - "

"Please," Mingyu laughs. "When have I  _ever_ \- "

"Shh!" Jihoon holds a finger to his lips, refusing to speak in anything above a whisper, and Mingyu's eyes squint against the force of his grin.

"You're whipped, Jihoon."

"Am not."

"Are too," he insists. "Whipped for someone you barely know. Not that there's anything wrong with physical attraction alone, I just never pinned you to be that type." Jihoon gapes, nearly wordless.

"I am  _not_. I'm - I'm not - "

"Are you trying to tell me you don't have even just the  _tiniest_ crush on that guy? Because I don't buy that for a second. It's so obvious. I've seen you two interact  _maybe_  three times and I can tell - "

"You are insufferable," Jihoon huffs.

"And you're in denial."

"I just think he's cute."

"You  _just_  think he's cute?"

Maybe. Surely. Jihoon doesn't  _know_  Soonyoung, after all - and where's the sense in falling for someone you don't know? It's irrational.

He's just being irrational.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaa double update bc i feel bad for making some of the chapters so short !!

☽

 

**8:08 pm.**

He's being irrational when, just as he's bent down to tie his shoelaces, Mingyu comes to him with a proposal. He's being irrational when he considers it.

"A party?"

"A party," Mingyu repeats. "You and I both know you won't be sleeping anytime soon, Jihoon, so you might as well."

"I don't know ... "

"Come on - Please? You haven't gone to one in ages, it'll be fun."

"Why are you asking me? Would it really make a difference to you if I went?"

Mingyu grins shyly, "Wonwoo wants to meet you. He said he's tired of hearing me talk about you all the time and not knowing who you are."

"Right," Jihoon stands, rolling his eyes, "because I'm sure you talk about me all the time."

"Only because I love you  _so_  much."

Jihoon just watches the boy in front of him, swaying with anticipation, while he weighs his options. On the one hand, the café is warm and safe and comforting, and the only person Jihoon is bound to interact with is Soonyoung - on the other, parties are loud and sweaty and messy, and Jihoon's not so much of a people person and sometimes it's hard for him to breathe when it gets so crowded, but Mingyu's looking at him like  _that_ , all hopeful, and Jihoon knows this means more to him than he's letting on.

"You really want me to go, huh?" Mingyu nods. Jihoon sighs.

"Fine."

 

**9:22**

Jihoon barely holds back another groan as Mingyu, quite literally, drags him by his arm from person to person. "When do I meet Wonwoo?" Jihoon says, having to strain his voice over the music, loud enough that he can feel it buzzing in his bones. "Isn't he the reason you wanted me to come?"

Mingyu shouts something back, but Jihoon can't quite make it out. He's been doing good, so far, keeping his smile quaint and his words to a minimum with each person he was introduced to (how does Mingyu know so many people?) - but he can feel his head start to get full, too light and too heavy at the same time. Strobe lights dance behind his eyes and sickly sweet perfume clouds around his thoughts, bringing with them the distant throbbing of an oncoming headache. He should ask to step outside, just to get a breath of fresh air, before his throat starts to -

"Wonwoo!" Mingyu's voice suddenly rings like an alarm bell, snapping Jihoon out of his thoughts and tugging him over to the kitchen with more force than necessary.

Once he manages to focus his vision, Jihoon finds himself face to face - or rather, face to chest - with a boy who looks every bit as  _Wonwoo_ as Mingyu had described him to be. They've never seen each other before, but Jihoon finds him almost familiar; Mingyu had met Wonwoo, a study advisor at their university, less than a year ago - and he'd been head over heels for the boy ever since their first session, memorizing every quirk and feature to the point of obsession. Jihoon says it's weird, and Mingyu tells him he'll eat his own words, someday.

He's nice enough, shaking Jihoon's hand with a smile that borders on bashful, and sure, he's handsome - but Jihoon can't imagine being  _so_  hung up on someone the way Mingyu is.

But then, someone tugs on Wonwoo's sleeve when he's in the middle of talking - flirting? Jihoon can't tell - with Mingyu, effectively saving Jihoon from third-wheeling, but also sending him  _reeling_  when he realizes who it is.

"Yeah?" Wonwoo says, turning, and Jihoon's eyes turn with him. 

Soonyoung is pretty, Jihoon had decided long ago, with a nose cuter than Pluto and a face that would be all-too-easy to reach out and hold, but his breath catches in his throat nonetheless.

He stands under the yellow halo of the kitchen light overhead, what may possibly be the least flattering lighting Jihoon's ever seen, somehow still managing to look ethereal. He isn't wearing his usual dark work apparel, opting for an adorably oversized hoodie and a pair of jeans that, really, he  _shouldn't_  be allowed to wear -

"Jihoon?"

Oh, he's looking at him. He's looking at Jihoon, and Jihoon finds his mind reaching in every possible direction -  _What am I wearing? What does my hair look like? Is my face red? Have I been quiet too long? Am I being rude?_ \- and he splutters for maybe a moment longer, trying to think of what to say, but it's Wonwoo who speaks first.

"You two know each other?"

Soonyoung nods, his head quickly bobbing in time with Jihoon's heartbeat, "Yes, Jihoon and I are friends - aren't we?"

He's not sure, but Jihoon thinks he feels himself smile, nod. A little too forcefully and a little too fast, maybe - but an agreement, nonetheless.

Friends.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

☽

 

**10:34 pm.**

Jihoon and Soonyoung had left Mingyu and Wonwoo a while ago, meandering around, caught between thin walls and sweaty bodies, but caught with each other - and that's fine. Jihoon's heart most certainly is  _not_  palpitating, not in the slightest.

"Why don't I ever see you at these parties?" Soonyoung asks.

"You say that like you come to these things pretty often."

He shrugs, lips tugging somewhere between a smile and grimace as he sips his beer, and he says, "I go when Wonwoo asks me to. It's not like I have anything better to do, anyway." Jihoon quirks one brow.

"Work?"

A breath, a laugh -

"I'm not always working, Jihoon. I have my days off. Funny, tonight you just happened to show up to the same party - which, you still haven't answered my question."

Jihoon watches the boy next to him, mirthful. They've backed themselves into a corner of the house, Soonyoung on his second drink, Jihoon still empty-handed. He's vaguely aware of the dull ache at the back of his skull, but he doesn't mind it. Not right now.

"I tend to avoid parties, they're too ... much. Too much for me. I only came tonight because Mingyu wanted me to meet Wonwoo."

Soonyoung's eyes widen, and Jihoon's tempted to reach out and catch his gaze in one hand, hold onto it, keep it close. "Was that you meeting him for the first time, earlier?" he asks. "I thought you two had been introduced at least once before - I mean, Mingyu and I have met more than a few times."

Jihoon chokes in the midst of swallowing. "W-What? You've met Mingyu before?"

"Well, sure. I was going to say something the other night when you both came in, but I figured I'd just leave you two ... to it. Didn't want to be a bother." Jihoon doesn't mention that he doesn't think Soonyoung could be a bother if he tried - he's too busy planning Mingyu's murder.

"Wonwoo talks about him all the time," Soonyoung says when Jihoon doesn't respond. "Literally, all the time. Don't tell Mingyu I told you this," he bends slightly, leaning closer to Jihoon's ear, as if there's really any chance that someone might overhear, "but he highkey has a massive crush on the kid."

Jihoon barks out a laugh, ignoring the way he shudders at Soonyoung's close proximity, ignoring the way he feels when the elder pulls away in surprise. "What's funny?" he asks.

"Them," Jihoon's shoulders shake with amusement. "Dumb, dumb boys. Mingyu's  _so_  gone for Wonwoo, it's crazy."

But instead of laughing, or even so much as cracking a smile, like Jihoon had expected, Soonyoung straightens and frowns. "I'm confused."

"What's confusing? They both like each other. Mingyu's been talking my ear off about his crush for the last seven months."

"But - But that doesn't bother you?"

"Why would it?"

"I don't know, Jihoon, I'd be pretty annoyed if my boyfriend openly had a thing for someone who wasn't me."

. . .

"Sorry?"

"I said - "

"Soonyoung, Mingyu and I aren't dating. We're friends, that's it." Soonyoung's expression morphs into one of understanding, a silent  _Oh_ gracing his face. Jihoon doubles over in laughter.

"Well, I mean - ! How was I supposed to know that?"

Between cackles, one hand clutching at his stomach and the other slapping Soonyoung's arm, Jihoon manages to gasp, "Why would you think we're - ?"

"When I saw you two together at the café, I just assumed - I mean, it looked like, like you were on a - "

"A date? You thought that was a date?" Jihoon's laughter fades out, but he continues to giggle; he's overcome with a surge of affection at the sight of Soonyoung's cheeks, growing rosier by the second.

"Those things he said, it sounded like ... I don't know."

"True, Mingyu loves me," Jihoon grins, straightening, "but he only said those things because he's weird and obnoxious, and he was trying to rile me up. It wasn't like that."

"I feel stupid, now."

"You are stupid," Jihoon bumps Soonyoung with his shoulder, still smiling. He's not sure where the sudden confidence came from, but he won't complain so long as Soonyoung doesn't.

 

**10:58 pm.**

"Can we step out?" The air had become stale in his lungs, nose burning from having spent too much time inhaling the scent of alcohol and sweat.

Outside, Jihoon can see Soonyoung a little better; without distractions, the pressure behind his eyes and heart, he can _focus_ on Soonyoung a little better. His mind up to that point had been all over the place, but now it stills, and it's almost like they're back at the café - only at the café, it's quieter, and the people around them aren't emptying their stomachs, and Jihoon isn't so  _cold_.

He rubs his bare arms (he thought he'd be fine with just a tee - he was wrong), and presses his lips together tight while he steals a glance at the boy beside him. It isn't fair that Jihoon, despite having not really done anything in the past three hours, probably looks like haphazard on feet, while Soonyoung, who's at least a little tipsy by now, stands gloriously under the sky's smile; metallic-flint hair stands up here and there messily, and his face is more than a little flushed, his eyes are more than a little bright - and Jihoon's not sure he's ever in his life met someone so invariably beautiful. 

On the porch steps, sitting side by side, Soonyoung asks, "Are you cold?" The words aren't slurred, by any means - he didn't drink _that_ much - but he speaks in a mumble, his shoulder pressed up against Jihoon's and face turned so that their noses almost touch. Jihoon finds it hard to breathe.

"Only a little."

Soonyoung's tone drops even lower to match that of Jihoon's when he says, "Why are you whispering?"

"I'm not sure."

They stare at each other a minute or two longer, until Soonyoung's moving suddenly, wriggling to get his hoodie off and over his head, tugging his arms out of the sleeves before pushing the article into Jihoon's chest, pressing it there by way of insistence.

"Take it," he says, "I was getting hot, anyway."

And Jihoon doesn't think about it too much, for once, he just slips it on. It's warm with the heat of Soonyoung's skin, and it smells like cotton; he lets it envelop him entirely, tightening the strings so that the fabric bunches a little around his face and breathing in the freshness. It's Soonyoung, but not. It's the next best thing. Jihoon's eyes flicker to the boy beside him.

"What?" he asks, feeling the heat on his neck.

"What, what?"

"Why are you looking at me?"

" ... You're nice to look at."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

 

**11:11 pm.**

Jihoon thinks he might like to kiss Soonyoung.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dgfhgj i keep rethinking my decision to place this in college lmao like. i could've made my life so much easier by setting this in high school ?? or during the summer??? but nOoO i love making things difficult for myself !
> 
> i could fix it tbh but i'm ,,, too lazy to revise the last 10 chapters sdfjhjjk
> 
> just know that if certain things don't add up or something looks a little out of place it's because i'm dumb & still in high school ://


	11. Chapter 11

☽

 

**11:12**

He doesn't.

If anything, he scares himself. Jihoon's never felt that before, never so suddenly, so intense - but it seemed so natural in the minute. Soonyoung's lips look rosy soft, and they're  _so_  close, really, Jihoon almost can't even blame himself; he can't help that he wants to lean in a little closer, wondering what the boy might taste like. He can't.

Soonyoung looks like cotton candy, airy and pinkish and just as sweet, and Jihoon's always thought it a little too sickly, but Soonyoung makes it out to be a proper treat.

Still, he doesn't.

And he can't think about it too much, anyway, because Soonyoung's head suddenly snaps forward, his gaze glued to the lawn before them. Jihoon can't think about his disappointment at the loss of contact, not too much. 

"What time do you think you'll fall asleep, tonight?"

Jihoon shrugs, "Dunno."

It's quiet between them, Jihoon settling deeper into the warmth of Soonyoung's hoodie, listening to the sound of his own breathing. Soonyoung's breathing. Their breathing, together. He just listens to it, and he thinks, if he listens close enough, he can tune out the rest of the party. He can trick himself into thinking it's just the two of them, for just a little while.

That is until Mingyu  _rudely_  interrupts the fantasy.

"Hey, Jihoonie," he pants, bending over to knock Jihoon's shoulder, effectively snapping him out of his reverie. "Wonwoo and I are gonna go, you'll be okay?"

"Hm? Oh, yeah. I'll be fine."

Jihoon thinks there's something behind Mingyu's eyes when he smiles, clapping him on the back before running off, something glinting, but he can't be bothered to focus on it all that much. He'll ask in the morning. Beside him, Soonyoung chuckles.

"I can't believe I thought you were dating Mingyu. I mean, I've seen those two together, they couldn't be any more obvious."

"Honestly," he agrees.

A pause, and then - well, Jihoon doesn't really  _mean_  to ask the question, it just slips out. It's just that, Soonyoung is lovely, so so lovely, and surely there's someone out there who likes him? Someone who Soonyoung must like back, right? And just, with the talk of dating and all, it crosses Jihoon's mind, and he isn't quick enough to stop the words from tumbling out -

"Are you dating anyone?"

 ... and then he immediately feels bad. If he's overstepped some boundary, though, Soonyoung doesn't seem to care.

"Me? No. Not right now."

"Oh."

Jihoon lets out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.

 

**11:20 pm.**

"We should talk more often."

Jihoon's heart stutters.

"I like talking to you."

Jihoon's heart  _flips_.

"Unless, you don't like talking to me. Which is fine."

Jihoon tells himself to snap out of it.

Tonight is different - probably that  _damn_  moon - and tomorrow he'll be back to being regular, reserved, socially awkward Jihoon. The Jihoon who doesn't fall for pretty baristas and tipsy chats. The Jihoon who makes smart decisions.

Tonight's Jihoon, however, will do no such thing.

"Walk me back to my dorm?"

Soonyoung's smile is benign.

"I'd love to."

 

**2:03 am.**

Jihoon can't sleep, again - but this time, he knows exactly what it is that's keeping him awake.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another double-update ! i just finished writing chapter 19 and i'm so !! excited !! ahh i can't wait to get it all out
> 
> p.s. i usually proofread these things before posting them but i was too lazy this time around so let's just bear that in mind and hope for the best lmao

☽

 

  
**10:34 am.**

Jihoon thinks he might like to tear himself apart, limb by limb, until he slowly but surely reaches the point at which he can no longer see, hear, or speak. Not in a bad way, necessarily, but also very much in a bad way.

Or maybe he's just starting to question how much he  _really_  loves Mingyu.

"Uh, Jihoonie," he'd said within the first five minutes of seeing his roommate that morning. "What are you wearing?"

Jihoon had burned something terrible, hiding his face deeper into the material all while wishing it would just disappear off his body completely. "A sweatshirt," he'd said.

"Looks familiar."

"I think you're imagining it."

Mingyu had just snorted, stalking out of sight, and Jihoon had made the mistake of assuming that would be the end of it.

Now, he's still wearing the article, a result of the combined factors of being too lazy to actually change and maybe, embarrassing as this is, attached to what he now considers his own little part of Soonyoung. He could give up whatever excuses he had -  _it's warm, I can't be bothered to change, he was just being so nice and I wasn't going to leave him hanging like that_ \- but Mingyu can see right through him.

He'd only been quiet for a beautiful, blessed total of ten minutes, changing into a clean set of clothes and making a bowl of cereal before wandering back into Jihoon's general vicinity to bother him. Again.

"God, my heart aches just looking at you. You're like, infatuated."

"Shut the fuck up, Mingyu. You'd probably wet yourself if Wonwoo so much as considered giving you one of his hoodies."

"Ha, except, as of last night, I've been given a lot more than just one of his hoodies, Jihoon."

Jihoon feels his face reflexively scrunch up in disgust, nose wrinkling and eyebrows furrowing, his mouth half open in a grimace.

"Ew, I didn't need to know that."

"You wish you had my luck," Mingyu taunts.

"Exactly, luck. If it weren't for whatever higher power that's out there taking pity on you and your hopelessness, you'd be nowhere right now. God knows it couldn't have been your personality that got you this far." Jihoon's eyes narrow, irritated, when the other has the audacity to  _laugh_.

"Oka-a-y, Jihoonie," he sings, grinning like the idiot he is. "You keep being bitter and lonely and pathetic, meanwhile I will continue to take the initiative and actually  _do things_  with the person I like - things that are far more exciting than cash transaction," he adds. Jihoon simmers.

Mingyu quiets again, satisfied with his remark, but Jihoon jolts when he remembers something.

"Mingyu?"

"Hm?"

"Why didn't you tell me you'd met Soonyoung before?"

Mingyu's expression morphs from one of bemusement to something more cheeky, a small smile spreading over his face. As it does, Jihoon's frown etches itself to the point of near-permanence on his.

"I just like messing with you," is what he says.

Jihoon comes to the conclusion that he does, in fact, hate his roommate.

 

**3:43 am.**

As it turns out, Jihoon does not return the sweatshirt.

He figured he would wash it, give it back to Soonyoung clean, as a sort of thank you. It's polite, nothing more than courtesy, of course - and Jihoon won't mention it unless Soonyoung does.

Soonyoung doesn't.

Instead, he's more mellow than Jihoon has ever seen him. His smile just barely tugs when Jihoon greets him at the counter, his eyes just barely reach those precious crescents that Jihoon's started loving so much - he's just barely the boy Jihoon has become used to seeing, and the latter can tell that something is off. He's never been the most emotionally tuned, but he knows.

He's never been the boldest, but he asks.

"Hey, you alright?"

Soonyoung pauses mid-way through wiping down the counter, and Jihoon counts one, two, three heartbeats before the boy looks up at him. Jihoon knows what tired looks like, after staring at it in the mirror for nearly a month, now, and he thinks Soonyoung's wearing it heavily tonight. His voice drags a little when he speaks.

"I'm fine."

Jihoon quickly chances a glance at the other tables - he and Soonyoung are the only ones there. He can feel his throat drying up at the thought of what he's about to say, stomach turning at the hazy silhouette of an adrenaline rush -

"Make yourself a drink and sit down. We can talk."

Soonyoung doesn't respond right away. Actually, he doesn't respond at all. Not verbally, at least. He stares at Jihoon for a few seconds longer, before turning and reaching to pull a mug from the cabinet behind him. Within six minutes - Jihoon counts - he's got a chai latte cupped between both hands and he's sliding into the available seat. He doesn't look up from his drink, but Jihoon can't take his eyes off him.

"I don't mean to be a downer," he says. "And I don't - I don't want to bother you ... "

"Soonyoung," Jihoon sighs, "I wouldn't have asked you to sit down if I thought you were going to bother me. Come on," he adds, "tell me something."

"Like what?"

"Like, how was your day?"

It's absurdly weird, Jihoon thinks, to see Soonyoung's expression crumple under the weight of that question. Like it's not something he should be seeing - like, Soonyoung is the brightest star he's ever laid eyes on, and to see even just a little bit of his light dim seems so, so wrong. Jihoon feels invasive when the boy lowers his head into his hands, so he looks down at his notepad, instead. And then he considers something.

"Actually," he says, "forget that. Do you want to hear a song?" Soonyoung shifts his face just enough for Jihoon to see his eyebrows raised over a skeptical pair of eyes. Without waiting for an answer, Jihoon fishes his phone out of his pocket and searches for the right one.

 _Coffee in one hand, earphones in one ear_  
_Walking through the wind as it passes through our fingers_

It's relatively recent, something Jihoon had written up after countless nights spent awake and helping Mingyu sort through his feelings. Wonwoo had quickly attached himself to the boy's ribcage, and Jihoon, inexperienced as he was regarding matters of the heart, offered what advice he could. 

 _Should I talk to you or not? I thought for a while_  
_Thoughts keep getting tangled in my head_

He'd been going through another sleepless period at the time, which worked out great for Mingyu, who seemed keen on staying up past midnight with his ramblings. Jihoon never told him this, but the song was almost entirely based off those conversations, every word dumped and every feeling bared. It had to be based off something - Jihoon could never come up with those sorts of lyrics on his own.

 _I'm falling for you_  
_I'm falling for yo_ _u_  
_I'm falling for you once again_

Not at the time, at least.

 _I'm falling for you_  
_Falling for you_  
_It's too late to escape_

Things might be a little different, now.

 


	13. Chapter 13

☽

 

**4:12 am.**

Soonyoung seems to like it, Jihoon thinks. He's still a little melancholy, but more lambent, now. Warm, like he's comforted. Jihoon could just be playing up his own song, but nonetheless, he feels a rush of pride in knowing that he helped to lighten the boy's mood - even if it's just a little. His heart swells at Soonyoung's praise.

"Jihoon, that was  _so_  lovely."

"You think so?"

"I do, I really do."

He sits soft, eyes lidded and his smile droopy. It's cute, Jihoon thinks, he looks so, so cute; under dim lamplight and all but consumed by his massive black sweatshirt. His pupils seem to twinkle a bit, just a bit, and the sight of them is enough to make Jihoon's skin prickle from the affection surging through him.

Affection. That's not something he's used to.

"Now you have to show me your dancing," Jihoon says quickly, trying to move on to something else, and Soonyoung  _smiles_ , damn it.

"I do?" he teases. "I dunno - I mean, I  _guess_  I could take you by the studio sometime, if you'd like ... "

"Do you not sleep?" Jihoon asks. "How do you find the energy to dance and take online classes  _and_  go to parties when you stay up working? I know you said you have days off, Soonyoung, but I swear I see you in here every night."

That's enough to get a small, maybe even embarrassed, laugh out of the barista, his cheeks dusted a pink so faint Jihoon almost misses it. The latter can feel his heart skip a beat.

"I - Trust me, I do. I'm fine."

"Yes, Soonyoung, and I get a full eight hours of rest every night."

"I manage. I take naps when I can, and my classes aren't  _that_  time-consuming. You've got nothing to worry about, Jihoon."

"Yeah, well. I worry anyway."

And maybe he's just imagining it, but Jihoon thinks he isn't the only one burning from the warmth of his sentiment.

 

**4:05 pm.**

"Honestly, I don't get why you haven't asked him out yet." He says it so carelessly, like it's nothing. Jihoon splutters.

"Wh-Why the fuck would I do that? I swear to God, Mingyu, it's like you  _want_  me to embarrass myself."

Mingyu cocks his head to one side, opting to scan the cover of his textbook instead of catching Jihoon's glare. "That's true," he says, "I do love to embarrass you. But I mean this, Jihoon, I'm not just trying to set you up for failure."

"You've observed mine and Soonyoung's interactions a total of four times. All you know about my relationship with him is that we talk every now and then, and I - I'm - "

"You're in love with him?" Mingyu supplies.

"I am  _not_  in love with him! Christ, you get into  _one_  relationship and suddenly you think you're some sort of expert. I don't even know why I brought it up, honestly, I don't know what sort of advice I was expecting you to - Why the  _fuck_  are you laughing at me?"

Mingyu purses his lips, eyes squinting against the force of barely restrained laughter. Jihoon simmers, forcing himself to remain calm; this is, after all, a library they're in, and Jihoon's had his fair share of outbursts in here before - to the point that the librarian knows him by name. She's not exactly his biggest fan.

"I don't get what's so funny," he says, teeth gritted. 

"You, Jihoon,  _you're_  funny. You're so lost, like a dumb little animal. In a cute way, though."

"You can't call me a dumb little animal and expect 'cute' to make it okay."

Mingyu sighs, leaning back in his chair and smiling so coolly, Jihoon wants to shout. There is  _nothing_  cool about this. He's a mess, his heart is caught in a tangled web of thoughts and emotions and it's  _messy_. He doesn't know what to make of anything, and Mingyu has the audacity to be  _cool_  about it.

"You know what, I'll let you sort this out on your own, just like I let you sort out everything on your own. Just - if you want to vent, I'm here, alright?"

"I don't need to pour my heart out to you," Jihoon mutters, arms crossed. Mingyu is clearly resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

"Jesus, you're so stubborn. I'm just saying, you know, if you ever change your mind. At the end of the day, I do want the best for you, Jihoon."

"Thanks," he deadpans, "I do, too."


	14. Chapter 14

☽ **  
**

 

**1:29 am.**

Jihoon's really becoming concerned. Up until recently, he'd been under the impression that his insomnia was simply being more of a bitch than usual - a month rather than two weeks, falling asleep at 6 am rather than 4 - but now he's  _actually_  starting to worry. What if it doesn't go away? What he lives out the rest of his life in a permanent state of insomnia?

"That won't happen," Soonyoung says, like it's a fact.

"How do you know?"

"I just do." When Jihoon doesn't look convinced, he adds, "Trust me, this won't last forever. If I have to cradle you and sing you to sleep myself, I will."

Jihoon's heart melts.

He can feel it ooze through his ribcage, too sticky sweet with the effect of Soonyoung's words, dripping down to form a pool in his stomach. It tingles, sort of, like he's got butterflies - butterflies?

Jihoon thinks he might be sick.

He almost feels daring, hesitantly reaching for his pencil and flipping open his notepad while Soonyoung stands less than five feet away from him. It's the first time he's written in weeks, the first time he's had any inspiration, and could you guess who he has to thank for it?

"Oh - You're writing something!"

"It'll probably be garbage," Jihoon murmurs, a whole set of tones quieter than Soonyoung's exclamation.

"It probably won't be. What is it?"

Jihoon pulls the paper closer to him, covering Soonyoung's view with his arm. "Can't tell you," he says. He doesn't look up, but he can practically feel the weight of Soonyoung's curious frown.

 

_The night grows deep_

 

Deep?

 

_The night grows deep, deep_

 

Jihoon zones out for a moment, focusing on nothing but the moment and how he feels - how he feels around  _Soonyoung_. He draws from his experience with Mingyu, remembering how he'd practically leached off the other boy's energy for his lyrics, but this time, he falls back on himself. Jihoon had done that before, in a way - but never like this. 

 

_I didn't say I didn't like it_

_I'm just worried that you'll get too tired_

 

He pauses, thinking -

 

_\- That's how I feel_

 

"Could you give me a hint?" Soonyoung presses, falling onto his seat. He leans across the table, chin resting in his arms, watching Jihoon from under his lashes. The latter pauses only to glance at him, sighing in a way he can only hope sounds more irritated than adoring.

 

_You're the boiling point to my loneliness_

_I can't sleep because of you and suddenly it's morning already_

 

"Jihoon," Soonyoung whines. " _Jihoonie_ , what is it?"

"Nothing, hopefully." His head feels like it's filled with glue.

" ... Hopefully?"

 

_What do I do with you?_

_I look at you but I think of you even more_

_You're my only one_

_What do I do?_

 

 _You're my only one_. Is that too dramatic? Mingyu would say he's being dramatic - except he's not, because nothing about it is exaggerated. It's all honest, so much so that it's disquieting; Jihoon's never felt a feeling like this so  _real_.

He _wishes_ he was just being dramatic.

 

**5:46 am.**

"Mingyu?"

Jihoon's voice rings hollowly around their empty dorm. No one responds for some time, and he's thinking the boy is either out or asleep, until -

"Jihoon? What is it?"

Oh.

Through the dark, Jihoon can see the shadowy form of his roommate sitting up in bed; he feels himself reach for the switch, hears the click, and blinks against the flood of light. Mingyu looks concerned.

"Hey, you alright?"

 _Kind of? I don't know._ "I think so." 

"You think so?"

"Yeah?"

Mingyu sighs, ruffling his hair. Jihoon feels guilty. Guilty and dumb.

"It's nothing," he says, "forget it."

"No, no - Hey, what's up? Something's bothering you."

"It's stupid."

"It's not."

They watch each other, Mingyu's stare challenging Jihoon to stay quiet, until the latter gives in and crosses over to drop onto the bed. He tugs on his fingers, licking his lips nervously while he waits for Mingyu to question him. It's not like he can start the conversation - he doesn't even entirely know what it  _is_  that's got him so disconcerted, much less how to put it into words.

"Is this about Soonyoung?" Jihoon nods dumbly. "Did he do something?" Jihoon shakes his head. "Did  _you_  do something?" Jihoon pauses, thinking, and nods again. "What did you do?"

"I, uh, I wrote a song."

" ... That's it?"

"About him."

Mingyu looks confused. "Okay? Jihoon, that's okay. That's a thing, people do that sometimes."

" _No_  Mingyu it's  _not_  okay - it's getting out of hand. I'm starting to feel weird  _all the time_  and I don't like it. I don't like how serious it feels."

"Jihoon, this is what having a crush feels like."

"I don't like it."

"I can't believe you're a twenty-one-year-old man and you're only now experiencing your first crush."

"I can't help it," he groans, "I'm underdeveloped - and don't you fucking dare make a joke about how tall I am, because I  _will_  punch you - "

"I wasn't going to! It's just - I mean, Jihoon, what can you do? You either gotta make a move, or let this thing run its course. But you don't have to be so anxious about it, you know. Falling for someone doesn't have to be so scary."

"What else can it be?"

"I don't know, fun? Enlightening? I mean, you haven't been able to write a song for ages, but Soonyoung just gave you a reason to - good things can come out of this."

Jihoon can't think of a way to respond. He supposes Mingyu's right, but that doesn't do much to quell the fluttering storm in his stomach and the headache that's brought with it. If anything, it just gets  _worse_. The more he thinks about Soonyoung, the worse it gets. 

 

_How about you? Is it hard for you to sleep because of me too?_

_You keep making my heart flutter_

_What do I do?_

 

He's got it bad.


	15. Chapter 15

☽

 

**10:48 pm.**

"What's your number?"

"What?"

"Your number? So I can text you to make plans - you wanted to see me dance, didn't you?"

"Oh - Oh, right, yeah. Uh, here."

It's a quick exchange, no more than fifteen seconds, and Soonyoung's expression doesn't shift from neutral, not even once.

Jihoon's heart beats so hard, he can feel it in his cheeks.

 

**5:02 pm.**

He nearly jumps when his phone goes off, scrambling to pick it up and ignoring the strange look Mingyu shoots him from across the room. When he hits answer, he breathes, trying to compose himself as best as he can during the one second of silence before Soonyoung starts speaking.

"Jihoonie! Did I surprise you?" Jihoon's chest tightens at the nickname, and he tries to keep his tone as casual as possible. It's hard, though, when he's got his heart lodged where his vocal chords should be.

"Surprise me? I-I mean, yeah, I'm not used to getting calls from people who aren't Mingyu or my mom." Immediately, Mingyu crumples on his bed, clutching his pillow and holding a fist to his mouth in a dramatic show of holding back laughter. Jihoon burns and mouths for him to go fuck himself; he burns hotter when Soonyoung's giggle travels down the line.

"I'm not bothering you, am I? I know the studio's usually pretty empty around now, and I thought - I mean, it's short notice, so if you can't - "

"I'm free right now," Jihoon interrupts, sounding just a  _little_  too eager. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"A-Awesome, I'll text you the directions? Or, no, actually - remind me where your dorm is, I'll pick you up."

"You don't have to go out of your way - "

"I'm not," he insists, "I really don't mind."

"If you say so ... "

Jihoon texts him the address, and less than twenty minutes later he's out the door.

 

**5:27 pm.**

The drive to Soonyoung's dance studio isn't as silent as Jihoon had feared it might be, because Soonyoung, he's learned, is talkative enough for the both of them; he doesn't seem to mind that Jihoon's a little quiet.

"Come on," he says at one point, "there's got to be other things you enjoy besides making music."

Jihoon shrugs, "I don't really do that much."

"I don't believe that. Seriously? Favorite books, movies - "  _movies_.

"I like Marvel," Jihoon says without thinking. Soonyoung's eyes widen, flickering towards Jihoon momentarily before focusing back on the road.

"Yes! I knew there was something! See, you're an interesting person, Jihoonie, with all sorts of puzzle pieces. You're just making it difficult for me to figure out what each piece means."

"I think you're overthinking this," Jihoon laughs shyly. "All I did was say I like Marvel."

He turns his head to look out the window so that the other can't see his face. His smile is too wide and too odd to not risk giving himself away.

 

**5:44 pm.**

Inside the studio, Jihoon seats himself in one corner and Soonyoung continues talking while he stretches. Jihoon can only half pay attention to what he's saying - it's hard, it really is, when they're the only two in the whole room, Soonyoung's image reflected on two different mirror-walls. It's hard when Soonyoung is moving like that - but Jihoon has to get it together because he's only  _stretching_. If he loses himself now, he'll be a mess when the boy actually starts to dance.

Although maybe that sentiment was sort of useless, because Jihoon can feel himself slipping the second the music starts anyway.

Soonyoung moves in a way that has Jihoon's pulse racing and his mouth going dry. He matches the tempo of the song that plays, moves corresponding with lyrics, and Jihoon suddenly remembers that this is something Soonyoung probably choreographed  _himself_. That makes it all the more impressive.

He controls his body with expertise, making fluidity look easy when Jihoon  _knows_  that it isn't, his expression caught in a sort of concentration Jihoon hasn't seen on him before. It's picturesque, and Jihoon thinks he can feel his stomach twisting with every languid move. The song is buoyant, very pretty, and maybe Jihoon's not the one dancing - he's practically rooted to the floor beneath him - but it leaves him aching all over.

 

_I don't know what these emotions are_

_Am I still dreaming?_

 

The barista - the  _dancer_  - steps close to Jihoon, leaning just slightly, and  _maybe_ Jihoon lets their eyes meet, maybe his breath catches; maybe he feels weirdly light. He tries to remind himself that this is only a dance; nothing to lose himself over.

 

_Don't let go of the hand you're holding_

_Please don't wake up from this dream_

 

But Jihoon's thinking that he can try to remind himself all he wants, force himself to belittle his emotions and downplay just how much they affect him, how much  _Soonyoung_  affects him - but he can't really help feeling this way, can he? The tickle in the back of his throat is annoying and the butterflies caught in his chest make him feel like he might just explode, but he can't stop those things at will. What was it Mingyu had said?

_You either gotta make a move, or let this thing run its course._

 

_I hear the ocean from far away_

_Across the dream, over the horizon_

 

The song's finishing up, Soonyoung's movements slow, and Jihoon hyper-focuses on him in those last few moments; the steady rise and fall of his chest, the way even his fingers seem to sway in time with the music. He's so  _pretty_ , damn it.

 

_Take my hands now_

_You are the cause of my euphoria_

 

Soonyoung laughs, suddenly, smile gleaming bright even through the blur of motion, and Jihoon thinks his heart might just stop right then and there. This is a problem, he thinks. Soonyoung's laugh makes organ failure a genuine fear and  _that is a problem._

 

_Close the door now_

_When I'm with you I'm in utopia_

 

Jihoon just needs to let this thing run its course. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay lmao i searched for like half an hour for a song that hoshi had choreographed & danced to that would also fit the mood for what i wanted to write, failed, and then decided to settle on this. let's just pretend that he's actually danced to euphoria before, okay? work with me here
> 
> besides that, i hope you're enjoying this ! i've really really liked writing it, but i'm worried it might get too drawn out ?? i don't want things to move too quickly, but i suppose i need to find that balance because i don't want it to get too tedious, either. lmk what you think maybe?? - then again, some chapters are quite short so maybe i'm just compensating by writing more sksksk
> 
> as of right now i've written all the way to chapter 22, and i'm thinking i might finish this around 25 ??? but i'm not sure ?? either way i Do Not plan on going past 30 chapters asgdhhj


	16. Chapter 16

☽

 

**5:56 pm.**

"Why did you laugh?"

"Sorry?"

Jihoon's still sat in the same spot, Soonyoung less than a few feet away as he re-ties his shoelaces. He exhales slowly; the sweat on his forehead has dried a bit, and his hair sticks up in the oddest places from having run his fingers through it so many times - he's glowing, and Jihoon can't look at him for more than five seconds without feeling like he might forget how to breathe.

"When you were dancing, you laughed."

"Oh. I think I just saw your face."

Jihoon's nose scrunches instinctively, and he doesn't quite catch the panic that flicker's in Soonyoung's eyes when he says, "Thanks, I guess."

"No, wait, fuck - that's not what I meant. I mean, you just looked super impressed I - I just - I thought it was cute."

"Cute?"

"Well, not cute - I mean, yes, cute. But it was like - you know what? Nevermind. Forget I said anything. I just laugh sometimes, no reason for it."

Soonyoung's laces are tied, now, but he pulls on the string and undoes them, only to start tying them once more. He keeps his head bowed and Jihoon can't see his expression, but he can see the blush creeping up on his neck, and his heart beats.

"You thought I looked cute?"

Jihoon's heart beats the way it has his whole life, but a little faster; a little too fast, a little too hard. Jihoon's heart beats just as a heart should, but it makes him feel some way he's never felt before. Soonyoung snorts, seemingly embarrassed, and gives the slightest of nods.

Affection swells at the back of his throat, so great and so strong Jihoon thinks he might just choke on it.

"Well, for the record, I  _was_  impressed."

"Thanks," the boy says, a quiet smile forming.

And Jihoon finds that he quite likes the idea of being the reason Soonyoung smiles.

 

**6:12 pm.**

"I'm not working tonight," Soonyoung says, opening the door for Jihoon on their way out of the building.

"Oh, okay. Good. Get some rest."

Soonyoung scoffs, "You could use it more than me."

Jihoon merely hums in response, sliding into the passenger seat of Soonyoung's car. But even once he's at the wheel, keys in hand, Soonyoung doesn't move to start the vehicle. He sits there, thinking, and Jihoon lets him.

"Come to my place."

" ... What?"

"Come over." Jihoon raises a hand to protest, trying to come up with a quick excuse not to go -  _even if he really wants to_ \- but Soonyoung doesn't let him get a word out. "No, seriously! I've been told I have terrible taste in movies, maybe I can bore you to sleep."

Jihoon laughs under his breath, nervous at the prospect of watching movies with Soonyoung. He doesn't mention the fact that he thinks Soonyoung is too  _lovely_  to be boring.

"We see each other nearly every night, at this point. Don't you get sick of seeing me?"

Soonyoung's got a weird look on his face, mouth slightly open and eyes lighted when he says, "Of course not."

It's three words, but Jihoon can feel himself about to burst.

"Okay then," he says, his voice catching. "Let's do it."

 

**10:21 pm.**

They're on their third film, now, and Jihoon would be lying if he said he'd paid attention to what had gone on in the last two. It's hard to focus, he thinks, when he's got Soonyoung right beside him, all cute and curled up underneath a blanket with a pillow hugged to his chest. He'd been cracking jokes throughout each film, imitating characters and making wild guesses as to what would happen by each end, and Jihoon is painfully besotted. Even when Soonyoung quiets and his eyes droop a little, he is.

He's also wide awake. Or rather, he's agonizingly tired and wants nothing more than to sleep, but his  _mind_  is wide awake. Running rampant with thoughts of  _this_  or  _that_ , Soonyoung caught between every fleeting daydream - sleep seems out of the ballpark. Not even plausible.

"Are you getting tired?" Soonyoung asks. His voice is adorably sleepy.

"Not quite."

"You can stay the night," he yawns. "I don't mind. You can even have my bed."

"No, no, you've already been kind enough. I won't overstay."

"It's not overstaying if I want you here."

Soonyoung's home is small, but it's cozy and comfortable and it smells like him, like vanilla and laundry detergent; Jihoon had been fighting to keep his composure since the boy had tossed a blanket over him ("It's the softest one I've got!"), but it was a fight destined to be lost. Gooey and infatuated, Jihoon has melted all over the couch cushions, heated terribly by the warmth of Soonyoung's sentiment.

_It's not overstaying if I want you here._

"Do you want cookies?" the latter asks suddenly, sitting up straight to glance over at Jihoon. "I just remembered, I have some in the cupboard. And tea, too. Did you like the lavender more than the chamomile? Or would you like valerian? Or - "

"Soonyoung," Jihoon says, "don't trouble yourself so much. You don't have to get me anything."

"I'm only being a good host."

"You're putting too much effort in, it's only me." He pauses. "Although, the lavender was quite nice."

Raising a drowsy grin, Soonyoung pushes himself off the couch and stretches his arms over his head, letting the pillow and blanket fall off his lap and onto the floor. "It's never too much effort when it's you, Jihoonie," is what he says, and it's so soft, Jihoon almost wants to throw off his own blanket and follow him into the kitchen, if only to look at him a little longer.

Instead, he pauses the screen and tells Soonyoung he'll be waiting.

 

**11:02 pm.**

The film has long since been forgotten, the cookies now nothing more than a few crumbs on a plate and their mugs empty. Jihoon presses himself into the corner of the couch, blanket pulled up to his chin while he watches Soonyoung.

"What do I gotta do to get you to sleep?" he asks, and Jihoon shrugs.

"If I knew, I'd tell you."

"Maybe you need someone to talk to, have you ever talked yourself to sleep?"

"No, I haven't. And Mingyu never shuts the fuck up, but I've never fallen asleep on account of that."

"Maybe Mingyu's voice isn't as melodic and beautiful as mine."

Jihoon knows it's meant to be a joke, but it's true. Mingyu's voice is nice - Jihoon's used him for more than a few songs - but it's not Mingyu, necessarily. Jihoon finds that  _everything_  about Soonyoung is a little more melodic and beautiful. More than anyone else he's ever met.

He  _does_  feel a little better, though, not so awake as he was an hour ago; he's a little more settled, enveloped in warmth and comfort, Soonyoung's steady stream of conversation a semi-effective lullaby. Maybe he's getting somewhere.

Soonyoung scoots closer to Jihoon, legs crossed and dark eyes focused someplace distant, his knee pressing into Jihoon's thigh; the latter feels his pulse jump when a head falls against his shoulder.

"I'll try to stay up longer, just so you have some company."

"Don't do that," Jihoon says, his voice dropping to a low whisper. "You must be so tired. Don't force yourself awake."

"It's okay. I'm talking to you, anyway."

Jihoon doesn't ask what that means, he just exhales shakily and closes his eyes. It's so quiet, the only real noise coming from themselves and the distant hum of the dishwasher. When he opens them again, they're washed in a dim, yellow lighting, and he watches the way it hits Soonyoung's profile from the corner of his eye. He closes them again. He doesn't question how he wound up here, sitting in a foreign apartment with the sweetest boy he's ever met leaning against him - if he questions it, he'll stress, and he doesn't want to stress right now. He wants to revel in the feeling of his breathing getting deeper, the black behind his eyes getting blacker.

He wants to wade into a river of sleep and float away, letting the gentle current carry him for as long as it can. Soonyoung is making it easy, giving him a soft push. If Jihoon weren't so tired right now, he'd be aching.

He thinks he hears Soonyoung mumbling something, but he's already too far out to catch it; within moments, he's snoring lightly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay i know i already updated today but !!!
> 
> i just finished writing chapter 23 and i'm thinking i'll finish this story at 24 ??? and i'm so excited and i just want to share everything right now (hence the random extra update) lmao i'm literally restraining myself from posting everything at the same time
> 
> i might do another double-update tomorrow - or, if i finish chapter 24 (which i probably will tomorrow, if not tonight), i'll continue doing double-updates until the story ends. & i'm sorry these updates are so all over the place !! i'm just really happy with how things are turning out (for once!) and i think i'm getting a little too eager lol


	17. Chapter 17

☽

 

**10:08 am.**

He blinks slowly, trying to focus through the haze of sleep and tangled eyelashes; he has some distant memories lingering behind his skull, those of faint murmurings and feeling someone readjust the blanket over his shoulders before dozing off again. He thinks he might have dreamt them, but then he processes his surroundings, realizing that this is not, as a matter of fact, his dorm, and he sits up with a jolt.

Maybe they weren't dreams.

"Uh, hello?" he calls, voice groggy. From somewhere behind him, beyond a thin wall, he can hear the sound of cupboards opening and shutting, the clattering of ceramic. Some time passes, maybe a few seconds, maybe a few minutes - Jihoon isn't really sure - before he's shaken out of his stupor by a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, you're awake."

"I am? I mean, yeah. I am."

Soonyoung laughs quietly and perches himself on the arm of the couch, passing a mug over to Jihoon while he raises his own to his lips. Jihoon's a little out of it, mind foggy, but the aroma of coffee and the bitter taste warming his throat are enough to wake him up some more. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hand and glances around - glances anywhere that isn't near Soonyoung. He's so  _close_.

"When did you get up?" he asks, trying to distract himself.

"Not too long ago. I considered making you breakfast but I, uh, don't know how to cook. Figured the least I could do was make you coffee." Jihoon holds the mug close to his chest, squeezing his eyes shut and groaning. So much for distracting himself.

"Soonyoung, stop being so nice to me. I feel terrible."

"Why?"

"I dunno. Like, I ate your cookies. I crashed on your couch. Last night was your night off and I - "

"You're forgetting the fact that I  _asked_  you to do all that, Jihoon. And it worked! You slept like a log."

"I did?"

Soonyoung hums, taking another sip. Jihoon unconsciously follows the movement of his Adam's apple bobbing up and down, swallowing past the dryness in his own throat. "Mm-hmm. You woke up a few times throughout the night, but other than that I'm pretty sure you got at least nine hours."

 _Nine hours_. That's the most sleep he's gotten in a night in over a month, now. Soonyoung catches onto his incredulity and grins.

"Feels good, huh? Now maybe if you show up to watch movies with me every night - "

"You need sleep, too, Soonyoung."

"I did sleep! I slept great, actually. I got up every now and then to - I mean, it doesn't matter. I did sleep, though." 

Jihoon wants to ask what he was about to say, convince him to finish the sentence, but before he can so much as breathe a word the sound of his phone vibrating pulls his attention. He has to search through the folds of blankets and the cracks between couch cushions before finding it, hitting answer without checking the caller ID.

The voice that greets him is loud and nagging, and it doesn't take more than half a second for Jihoon to guess who it is.

"Jihoon, you son of a  _bitch_ \- "

"Yes, Mingyu?"

"Why haven't you been answering my messages? I swear to God, you motherfucker, I've called you about a million times - the least you could do the next time you decide to just  _not come home_  is text me and let me know, yeah? Like, did you just expect me not to worry? You're stupid, Jihoon, a grade-A dumbass, literally  _anything_  could've happened - "

"Can you slow down, idiot?" Jihoon sighs, rubbing his eyes again and managing a weak smile in Soonyoung's direction. The latter has his lips pressed into a thin line, snickering. "I'm not that dumb," he adds, "I'm an adult. I can take care of myself."

"That is a  _lie_. You and I both know you can't take care of yourself. Where the hell did you even go?"

Jihoon blanks for a moment, wondering if he should lie or tell the truth. Would Soonyoung be offended if he lied? Would Mingyu find out? Yes, probably, to both of those. But then if he tells the truth, Mingyu will most  _definitely_  tease him for the next five years, and Jihoon's not sure which is worse, in all honesty.

Before he can form some sort of response, however, Soonyoung is leaning close to his ear and speaking into the microphone.

"He stayed the night at my place, Min. But no worries," he adds, "I made sure he slept plenty."

The line suddenly falls quiet on Mingyu's end, and Jihoon can practically see the gears in his head turning, trying to understand the situation. "Can you hurry up and say something?" he asks, irritated. "I know you've only got so many brain cells, but this isn't difficult to process." 

"You ... stayed the night at Soonyoung's? Oh -  _oh_ , I get it - "

"No, I don't think you do," Jihoon scrambles to explain, blushing furiously when Soonyoung breaks into a bout of cackles, his own cheeks tinged pink. "I just  _slept_ , okay? Nothing else."

"Yeah, right, I'm sure - Wait, you slept? How much?"

Jihoon huffs at the surprise in his friend's tone, feeling like a child. Normal people don't need to  _celebrate_  getting a full night's rest.

"It doesn't matter, yeah? I'm gonna get going soon, anyway, so I'll talk to you about it later."

"Really? I figured you'd be jumping at the chance to stay longer - "

"I'm done talking to you," he interrupts. "Don't do anything stupid before I get back."

"Okay ... Jihoon?"

"What?"

"I love you."

" ... Shut the fuck up, Mingyu. I'll see you in thirty."

Jihoon doesn't give himself the chance to hear the boy's response, ending the call and moving to stand. Soonyoung watches him, chin tilted up and eyes curious. He's so cute, Jihoon wants to tear his own eyes out.

"Where are you going?" he asks.

"Uh, home? I really appreciate everything, Soonyoung - like, seriously, it means a lot. But I can't stay here forever."  _As much as I'd like to._

"You can come back whenever - and I'm not just saying that! Last night was fun."

Jihoon isn't quite sure how to respond without sounding disingenuous, so he does what he thinks is the next best thing and offers up the brightest smile he can muster. It feels a little weird, his cheekbones aren't used to reaching his eyes like this, but it's for Soonyoung. Justified, he thinks.

But when Soonyoung shoots back a smile of the same caliber, his heart melts, justified doesn't seem like a big enough word.


	18. Chapter 18

☽

 

**10:52 am.**

Jihoon's barely three inches past the door when Mingyu's voice, demanding and inquisitive, sounds from across the room.

"Okay, spill," he says, and Jihoon rolls his eyes.

"You're about to be sorely disappointed - we didn't sleep together."

"What the fuck? Why not?"

"Because that's not what I  _went_  there for," he grumbles, kicking off his shoes and shoving past his roommate. Mingyu's mouth has formed a nearly perfect  _O_ , eyes wide and eyebrows bunched together in a look that's almost comical. Jihoon would laugh, really, if he wasn't already tired of the antics.

"What did you go there for, then?"

"Well, after we finished at the studio he - he invited me over to watch movies. That's all."

"You just ... watched movies? Like, on his couch? With snacks?"

"Yes? Mingyu, I don't - "

" _God_ , that's adorable."

Jihoon straightens, managing one last glare before turning and slamming the bathroom door behind him. He'll shower and pretend he can't hear Mingyu's incessant nagging beyond the wall - it wouldn't be the first time he's had to do so.

But maybe - just maybe - he feels like cotton, because  _yeah_ , it was adorable.

 

**3:01 pm.**

"No, I am  _not_  going to another party with you."

"Jihoon, please? You had so much fun last time - "

" _You_  had so much fun last time, probably eating Wonwoo's face. Do you really think I - "

"Are you telling me you didn't enjoy spending time with Soonyoung?" Mingyu prompts, arms crossed over his chest. When Jihoon doesn't respond, he sighs.

"I just like to see you have fun every now and then. This bitch insomnia is leaching all the life out of you - and it's not like you're particularly  _vivacious_  without it." Jihoon prepares himself to argue, but Mingyu doesn't let him. "No, shut the fuck up and let me talk. Maybe I haven't seen yours and Soonyoung's dynamics in action, but I know for a  _fact_ that the kid makes you happy. You'll never admit it, but he does."

Jihoon opens and closes his mouth like a goldfish; a stupid, silly goldfish, who's wrong but doesn't want to admit it.

" ... You think I'll go to this party because of that?" he finally asks, and Mingyu gapes, exasperated.

"Yes! That's my entire point, you dense goblin. Soonyoung's going to the party, and now that you know that I'm willing to bet everything in my wallet that you'll go, too, whether you tell me or not. Because that's what you do, now - stuff that regular old Jihoonie would never dream of getting involved with, simply because it means you'll be close to some boy."

"It's not - " Jihoon clamps his mouth shut, knowing better than to say it out loud.

_It's not some boy._

It's Soonyoung, and Mingyu's right.

 

**9:14 pm.**

So he finds himself, yet again, at some strange house that's God knows how far from campus, solo cup in hand and standing idly next to a group that consists of Mingyu and his friends. One of them had introduced himself as Seungkwan, the apparent host, with his arm wrapped around the waist of someone else. Vernon, Jihoon thinks. 

"Mingyu mentions you all the time," another boy had said. Joshua? "Not sure why it took so long for us to meet." Joshua. He looks like a prince.

"Ah," Jihoon breathes, forcing a smile. "He can never keep my name out of his mouth, huh?"

A ripple of laughter, and Jihoon's beginning to wonder why he came. They're nice - so nice, so genial, Jihoon almost feels guilty at not being able to properly reciprocate it - but he can't help feeling painfully out of place. He wants to go home.

But then there's a hand on his shoulder, warm and comforting and giving just the  _slightest_  squeeze, and relief floods his stomach like bubbling lava. Thoughts of home slip out of mind.

"Yeah," Soonyoung agrees, "but it's always good things."

"Right," someone else - Jeonghan? - pipes up. "Like when  _you_  talk about him, Soonyoung, always good - "

He's cut off with a nervous laugh on Soonyoung's part and an elbow to the stomach, courtesy of Seungcheol, if Jihoon remembers his name correctly. He feels his ears burning, and silently thanks whatever fate is out there for keeping the lights relatively low in this part of the house.

"Hey, I was gonna go grab another drink, I'll get you one," Soonyoung says, gesturing to Jihoon's empty cup. Before the latter can so much as get one word out, he's off, presumably to the kitchen.

And when he's out of earshot, the others break into a flurry of chatter.

Someone else's voice, Minghao's, carries around them.

"Good one, Jeonghan," and a chorus of snickering breaks out while the mentioned struggles to defend himself.

"I don't see what I did wrong - it's a good thing, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah, but you can't just  _say_  that."

"You made him nervous," Junhui adds. His stature says reserved, hands linked behind his back, rocking on his heels, but a confidently amused smile tugs at his lips. "He hadn't even been standing here for twenty seconds and you managed to make him leave.

Chan, who Mingyu had introduced as the youngest of them all, laughs. "Dumb move on his part. Now we can say anything, and he wouldn't even be here to - "

"Come on," Seokmin interjects, "give him a break. The poor thing is  _clearly_  struggling."

They share a few more jokes and laughs, Jihoon, all the while, watching with his eyebrows furrowed and smile uncertain. He's waiting for Soonyoung to return; Jihoon wants the repose that comes with his company.

But before that, he's fronted with a question, coming from Seokmin -

"Jokes aside - what's going on with you two?"

All eyes on him, waiting, expectant. It's like a test, Jihoon thinks, and how the  _fuck_  is he supposed to answer? He feels like there's something in particular, something  _there_ , albeit unsaid, and he doesn't know it. And when you don't know the answer, you could always take a guess ...

Or, you could leave the bubble empty.

"Is there something ... going on ... ?" he asks, feigning naivety.

"Oh, I dunno," Chan grins, "Soonyoung sure makes it sound like there is."

And  _that's_  what flips the switch; Jihoon's mind, muddled and cloudy with feelings he refuses to address, is suddenly a lightbulb. It's alight and buzzing at the prospect of what he's just been offered; Soonyoung ...  _talks_  about them? He's hit with the force of eleven different laughs at once.

"Stop scaring him," Suncheol says, trying (and failing) to keep a straight face. "Look at him, he's terrified."

"It's nothing bad!" Wonwoo insists. "Just, sweet things."

 _Sweet things_.

"Like what?" he asks, not even thinking before letting the question slip out. He turns to face Wonwoo, taking notice of his and Mingyu's fingers entwined, and it hits him -

"Wait, what the fuck? Mingyu, you haven't told me  _any_  of this."

His roommate, for once, seems to be at a lack of words. Jihoon, for once, can't find it in him to appreciate it. Seungkwan lets out a low whistle, and Jihoon feels the corners of his lips quirk at the sound of their easy chuckles. It's not tense, not uncomfortable - but Mingyu  _will_  be sleeping with one eye open tonight.

"Didn't think it was my place to say," Mingyu finally says, shoulders pulled up to his ears.

"When have you  _ever_  given a - "

"Uh, incoming," Vernon interrupts, eyes traveling above and behind Jihoon's head. A second later, a newly-filled cup is being handed to him, and he eyes it cautiously. He knows himself, and he knows it's only a matter of time before it's empty again, but he can't focus on that too much; not now, when Soonyoung is looking down at him with starry eyes and a waxing smile, and his stomach is tying itself in knots.

With at least a dozen gazes on him, Soonyoung's means the most.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm this is ?? really ?? bad ??? lmao i can't tell exactly what's wrong with it but i've re-read this chapter a dozen times and something about it just sounds so off - maybe the pacing ?? or the dialogue ???? afsgdfh i'm so sorry
> 
> but i also finally got around to introducing the other guys ! i'm sorry it took me this long lol but at least they're here now ;(


	19. Chapter 19

☽

 

**10:13 pm.**

Jihoon isn't entirely sure what to do with his newfound information. Soonyoung talks about him, Soonyoung talks about  _them_  - it sort of makes him dizzy, in the most wonderful, nauseating way possible.

He sticks to the group for a little while, drinking in their conversation (and a few more beers, while he's at it) and feeling his shoulders drop as the tension melts little by little. They're funny, amicable beyond belief - and Jihoon can't help thinking that while he's spent most of his days cooped up at home or in class, Mingyu has been  _socializing_  with these people. He's not sure why, he'd just always assumed Mingyu's friends were the types he wouldn't click with. They seem to like him too, much to his delight.

It has to end at some point, though, and that point comes with Soonyoung's grin close to his ear and a shudder shocking his spine.

"Can we get away for a bit? I want to show you something."

And Jihoon agrees, of course, because this is Soonyoung - with stardust woven into the fibers of his skin and a heart the size of Jupiter. Jihoon would be the biggest moron alive if he  _didn't_  allow the boy to drag him upstairs, slender fingers wrapped around his wrist. 

On the way up, the atmosphere grows quieter. Jihoon can still hear it, the surrounding conversations overlapping with each other, twining. He can feel the music pump blood through his veins. He can feel Soonyoung's touch on his skin, prickling. His mouth is dry; he downs what's left in his cup. He might be a little tipsy. 

"No one else really knows how to get up here," Soonyoung says. "Seungkwan's only ever mentioned it once - but I remember."

On the second floor, Jihoon lets Soonyoung lead him through the different rooms, catching glimpses of the lives around them; a young couple in love, another one fighting, two girls who are  _clearly_  drunk and an ambiguous figure shadowed in one corner; an emotional mess spilled out onto every floor he crosses. They're a part of that, he thinks, that emotional mess.

They reach a small balcony, and Soonyoung pulls him out onto it so that they're both  _so_  close, so unbelievably close; his eyes are level with a pair of lips, sugary pink and probably just as sweet. Probably. He could try, he thinks, and figure it out for himself - but before he has the chance to do anything he might regret, Soonyoung's stepping away and turning to face the wall to their right. Hanging against it is a ladder Jihoon assumes to be for emergency exits, long enough to reach both the roof and the ground below them.

"You can climb this, right?"

"Ye-Yeah? I think?"

"Here, hold on - " he reaches out again, grabbing Jihoon's  _hand_  this time, rather than his wrist, and locking their fingers " - follow me, okay? Try not to slip."

And it isn't difficult, really. It's a ladder. Jihoon, even with a few drinks in him, knows how to climb a ladder. That does not, however, mean he minds the way Soonyoung's hand feels in his. He really doesn't.

On the roof, Soonyoung doesn't let go. He moves to lay down, pulling Jihoon beside him, and they stay like that. It's quiet, quiet, quiet - save for the pounding in his chest, so loud Jihoon can hear it thumping in his temples.

"You can't really see the stars out here," Soonyoung says. His voice is like a blanket, a light one - soft and homely. He continues, "There's too much air pollution. But that's okay. We don't need them."

 _We_.

Jihoon likes the way the word sounds on Soonyoung's tongue.

Oh, his thoughts are swimming. He's not used to drinking anything more than a glass of wine or two on special occasions. Oh, oh dear.

"Jihoon?"

"Yeah?"

Their voices are hushed. The air is still. Jihoon's completely tuned out the sound of anything that doesn't belong to either one of them.

"You look really nice tonight."

Their hands are still clasped. Jihoon's heart beats so fast, he can hardly speak.

"T-Thanks."

He could say something back, the words are on the tip of his tongue -

_You look nice, too. You always look nice. You look like an angel. In this lighting, you're ethereal. I can't look at you for more than a few seconds without my throat going dry. God. God, you're so pretty -_

Jihoon's no good at this, whatever it is. Flirting? No, no, he can't do that.

He tries it anyway.

"Soonyoung?"

"Yes?"

"You're really, really lovely."

He sneaks a glance out of the corner of his eye; in the pale moonlight, he can see the blush that paints the other boy's cheeks, the small smile gracing his features. Jihoon's heart rate stutters -  _he did that._

"Jihoon, I - "

"Do you actually talk about me?" he blurts. "Like, to your friends?"

" ... What?"

"I mean - "

"Wait, hold up -  _What_  did they say?"

Their heads are turned now so they can see each other. His eyes have gone wide and panicky, mouth slightly open, and he's so cute, Jihoon can't help giggling. Soonyoung only looks more horrified.

"You know what? That's it, I don't know them anymore. Come tomorrow morning - "

"Soonyoung - "

" - I'm cutting everyone out of my life. Who needs friends, right?"

"Hey, listen - "

"Especially ones that are loud-mouthed and go around sharing other people's business - "

"Soon, stop being dumb," Jihoon laughs, moving his free hand to brush the hair away from the boy's forehead and effectively quieting him. "It's okay. It's - I mean, it's sweet."

"No," he groans, squeezing his eyes shut, "it's embarrassing. I'm supposed to be all cool and confident, and this is the  _opposite_  of that."

"Cool and confident?" Jihoon repeats, still giggling.

"Yeah, like, all the stupid shit I tell you on a daily basis? Inviting you over to my house for movies? God, Jihoon, I'm trying to be  _smooth_  and everyone around me is making it difficult."

"Everyone?"

"Everyone! Even you - Christ, I can't compose myself when you're all - all like - "

"Like what?" he teases. Soonyoung sighs and faces the sky, pursing his lips.

"Stop it," he murmurs. "You're making fun of me, now. I get it if you don't like me. I mean, what was I expecting? Just ... please don't rub it in."

Jihoon's still watching him, weak. His entire body buzzes like he's just finished running a marathon; like if he weren't already laying down, he would collapse. Soonyoung's hand has gone limp in his grasp. Jihoon gives it a squeeze.

"I'm not making fun of you," he says, voice barely above a breath. At this point, he should've panicked and run off. At this point, he  _would_  have. It's the alcohol, he thinks, lacing his bloodstream with temporary confidence.

"You're not?"

"Soonyoung," he scoffs, "of course I'm not. Er - Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like - Like  _that_. I can't focus on anything."

Soonyoung's anxious demeanor melts away, replaced with a cool gaze and a smirk. Jihoon could kick himself.

"Oh, really?"

He's painted a furious crimson, hot all over. He could dive into an ice bath right now and still feel the warmth in every nerve ending. His stomach is in knots. There's no way none of this is showing on his face.

"So, you don't like it when I look at you like that - whatever  _that_  is?"

Jihoon manages a weak nod.

"What about this?"

Soonyoung's fingers break away from Jihoon's, and both his palms come up to cup the latter's cheeks; Jihoon can feel the heat jumping between the contact. A thumb brushes just below his eye and he nearly chokes on his own breath.

He nods again, just barely perceptible.

"What  _do_  you like, Jihoon?"

And suddenly, without even a thought's second to process the movement, Soonyoung's face is a mere inch away from his. His nose brushes Jihoon's; their lips are so,  _so_  close. 

"This," he says, voice cracking. "This,  _this_ , I like this."

Jihoon hadn't even realized they were sitting up. Without thinking, he lets his fingers come up and tangle themselves in strands of silver hair; it's soft and real and he won't let go, he  _can't_ let go.

His insides are on fire. He can't remember having ever felt like this before.

"Soonyoung," he says, the syllables coming out strangled. He can't speak properly, not like this.

"Yes, Jihoon?" That  _damn_  smirk.

"Would you - Would you stop being an idiot and please, for the love of God,put me out of my misery?"

The boy laughs, full and hard and Jihoon can't even think twice about how much he  _loves_ that laugh before the space closes; every thought and breath caught between mouths in one single, swift movement.

In one single, swift movement, Soonyoung obliterates Jihoon's heartbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!!!


	20. Chapter 20

☽

 

**11:02 pm.**

Soonyoung does not, in fact, taste cotton candy-sweet; he tastes like  _new_ , like every bit of adrenaline rushing between them, making Jihoon's lips tingle. He tastes a little like the vodka he drank earlier. Jihoon doesn't particularly like vodka, but he likes it like this.

He likes it, he does. He likes the way he can feel Soonyoung smile against his mouth, and he likes the way their foreheads press together even when their lips aren't touching anymore. He thinks that maybe, for once, he even likes the familiar feeling of a blush creeping up his neck, the tips of his ears burning.

"Can I crash at your place again?" he asks, swallowing past the rasp in his voice. Soonyoung's nod is adorably eager.

Jihoon reminds himself to text Mingyu as they leave the party.

 

**11:45 pm.**

They don't do anything. Nothing like  _that_.

But Jihoon falls asleep under soft sheets with a head on his shoulder, and it's nice. He's content.

 

**9:23 am.**

He  _wakes up_ with a strong pair of arms wrapped around his torso and warm breath fanning his forehead, blowing stray wisps of hair out of his eyes. He's still content, even if he has a headache and wishes the sun would shut off for a few hours. Even if Soonyoung's hold is borderline strangling. It's sort of endearing, actually.

And he'll admire the sight of the boy sleeping. Soonyoung snores lightly, nose twitching every now and then. He mumbles soft thoughts, and Jihoon's heart lurches. He'll have to trust his memory to hold onto this and never let it go - he'll be angry with himself if he ever forgets the picture.

"Hey ... you're awake."

Soonyoung's mouth barely moves, the words coming out in one long, sleep-soaked syllable. Jihoon nods and tries to keep his grin from taking over his face completely when the boy yawns, pressing his face into his shoulder.

"How'd you sleep?"

"Good."

"How do you feel?"

" ... Good."

He feels good, in a strange way. It's an odd sort of good. Like, poetically peaceful and still, but he's also got a million bubbles in his stomach; they're multiplying at an alarming rate, flying up and up and making the back of his throat tickle. His head hurts, but the sight of Soonyoung is almost like a pain reliever in itself. He feels really,  _really_  good. 

They sit like that, both of them awake but neither one wanting to disturb the tranquility.

But then Soonyoung speaks, and it isn't disturbing in the slightest.

"Hey, Jihoonie?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened to that hoodie I let you borrow?"

"Uh."

Soonyoung moves his head to peer at Jihoon with laughing eyes, and the latter groans and repositions himself so that his face is buried in Soonyoung's chest. He's not sure when he got this confident, pressing himself closer to the material of the boy's shirt and listening to the low rumbling of a laugh. Maybe he's not confident, maybe he's stupid. Or he's just tired.

All three, maybe?

"Are you trying to embarrass me?" he whines. "Because it's working."

Soonyoung laughs again, "I'm not, I swear I'm not - But you can keep it, if you want."

" ... I can?"

"Sure. I liked it better on you, anyway."

A beat, a moment's comprehension - and then the bubbles explode in a frenzy of affection. Jihoon decides he doesn't care about being embarrassed anymore.

He presses a chaste kiss to Soonyoung's jaw and revels in the way the boy's cheeks heat up beneath his fingertips.

This, it's nice.

 

**10:11 am.**

"You're writing again," Soonyoung notes, sliding Jihoon's coffee over to him.

"Mm-hmm."

"Did you finally dig yourself out of that writer's block?"

"I think so, sort of. I'm getting there."

He means it - he really is getting better. This is the second time in weeks that he's gotten more than a measly four hours of sleep, and maybe it's not perfect, but it's the most well-rested he's felt in a while. He's writing again. Soonyoung's beaming.

"When will you show me another one of your songs?" he asks. "I really liked the last one."

"Soon, maybe. I don't know. I want it to be good."

"They're all good."

Jihoon scoffs, "You don't know that."

"I do, I do know it. Everything you do is good."

Soonyoung comes up from behind to envelop him in a back-hug, resting his chin on his shoulder, and Jihoon half-heartedly tries (and fails) to push him away.

"Okay, slow down. We're not married. I like you a lot, Soonyoung, but we've known each other for less than three months."

He grins, "You like me a lot?"

"You're missing my point."

"Okay, yeah, but you like me a lot?"

" ... Yeah. I do."

Soonyoung makes some noise of satisfaction and nuzzles -  _nuzzles_ \- his neck. Jihoon is almost horrified at how much he likes it.

"That's good, because I like you a lot too."

"I thought we established this?" he says, licking his lips and laughing anxiously. He tries changing the subject.

"Anyway, let me finish this one song I've been working on. You'll be the first person I show it to."

Soonyoung finally pulls away, only to take a sip of his own tea. He feigns esteem, "Oh, you're too kind," before pausing, thinking, and speaking again.

"Seriously though, I loved that last one. I was having  _the_  shittiest day, and it made me feel a whole lot better."

"It's just a song," Jihoon mutters, embarrassed by the compliment. He's never been good at responding to these things.

"It was  _your_  song, Jihoon. And it was wonderful."

 _It was wonderful_.

Jihoon doesn't ignore the feeling that consumes him this time, that angelic fizzing; like his blood is cherry Coke and his heart is nothing more than carbonated affection, bottled up in a sweet little shape. He doesn't ignore it - he focuses on it, and channels it right into whatever it is he's writing.

 

_I used to need wake-up calls in the morning_

_So why am I waking up so easily today?_

 

Soonyoung sighs and watches him; chin resting in the palm of his hand, elbow resting on the countertop, smile resting pretty. It still sort of hurts to look at him, but it's different, now. His chest is sore in a way that almost feels nice.

 

_My whole body is itching and beating_

_What is this sensation? What do I do?_

 

"Don't you get bored just sitting there like that?" Jihoon murmurs in between scribbles. Soonyoung shrugs.

"Not really."

"You're just watching me write."

 

_Feeling, feeling, feeling_

 

"Yeah," he breathes. "I'm a lucky guy, huh?"

Jihoon snorts, burning all the way to his core. It's the sort of burn he could get used to.

 

_This situation, forever_

_Just the two of us, forever_

 

"Can you tell me  _what_  it is you're writing about, at least?"

He hums, avoiding the question.

"Or is it a  _who_  - someone, maybe?" the boy smirks.

"Don't flatter yourself," Jihoon says, but he knows his blush is giving him away. It's nice, though.

Nice?

 

_Very nice_

 

Yeah. Nice. That's it.

Soonyoung sighs again, "You know, I'm glad Mingyu made you come to that party last night." Reaching across the counter, he plays with Jihoon's free hand. 

Jihoon's glad, too.

 

_Very nice_

 


	21. Chapter 21

☽

 

**3:08 pm.**

"God, I am the  _best_  friend you could've asked for."

Jihoon snorts, "I didn't ask. I was cursed."

Mingyu had been like this for the last hour - since Jihoon had come back from Soonyoung's - lamenting about what an amazing person he was for convincing him to go to that party, and how he should  _really_  be thanking him for the deed.

"I'll thank you when I'm dead," he'd said.

"You're ungrateful."

"I don't give a shit."

"It's weird," his roommate says, searching their cupboards for something to snack on. "Soonyoung is so bright- like, that kid is  _always_  happy. And you're the biggest grouch I've ever met. I don't get it."

"Opposites attract, maybe? Then again," he adds, "I'm not a grouch. You're just fucking annoying."

"Hm, that might be true."

"Besides, Soonyoung isn't  _always_  happy. He's just ... positive. But he's human."

"A human who's  _whipped_  for you! Oh my God, Jihoon, I can't believe this worked out so well."

"What do you mean you  _can't believe_ \- "

Mingyu interrupts him, grinning, "Nothing, it doesn't mean anything. I'm happy for you, Jihoon, I am. Now, will you  _please_  eat some breakfast? You're only more irritable when you're hungry."

Jihoon's not irritable - quite the opposite, actually - but for once, he complies.

 

**7:06 pm.**

"Leaving so soon? I guess you can't wait to get back to - "

Jihoon doesn't hear the rest of Mingyu's remark, making sure to let the door slam loudly behind him on his way out.

 

**7:15 pm.**

He looks at Soonyoung in a new lighting; still gorgeous, still effervescent, but now his to appreciate. Before, it felt stupid and wrong; now it's okay, now he knows it's  _reciprocated_.

The thought tugs at his heart, pulling on strings and making it dance in its cage.

"Hey," Soonyoung says, soft smile folding sweet words and passing them over like notes. Small and theirs, and Jihoon doesn't even have to say his order before Soonyoung gets started on making it. While he waits, the other speaks.

"Don't stay here too late, okay?" he says. "I - I like seeing you, but ... I want you to actually start getting some rest."

"I know," Jihoon sighs. Of course, the only person who can actually get him to sleep is also the one reason he doesn't  _want_  to.

"I wish I could take you back to my house every night," Soonyoung comments, rosy patches burning beneath his eyes. "Just, if it helps you sleep better."

Jihoon's honest when he says, "I don't think it's your house."

They're both red, then, and Jihoon feels his nerves light up like matches when Soonyoung hands him his drink and their fingers brush. It's still early, there are other customers to attend to, and Jihoon will pretend to occupy himself with his laptop while he waits for the barista to find his free time. 

_I wish I could take you back to my house every night. Just, if it helps you sleep._

Oh, the sentiment. Jihoon's not so sure how deserving he is of someone so kind, but he won't question it. After living the last half of his life suffering from insomnia's occasional visits, this might be the universe's way of repaying him.

Jihoon reminds himself that he doesn't believe in things like fate and karma.

But he takes a look at the boy behind the counter, and he believes in  _him_.


	22. Chapter 22

☽

 

 **[2:02 am]**  are we gonna start sending each other cute boyfriend texts? because i'm totally on board with that

why are you awake soonyoung **[2:03 am]**

 **[2:03 am]**  why are YOU awake jihoonie???

 **[2:03 am]**  wait

 **[2:03 am]**  nevermind

 **[2:03 am]** don't answer that

oof you're dumb  **[2:04 am]**

and anyway  **[2:04 am]**

who said we're boyfriends  **[2:04 am]**

 **[2:04 am]**...

hnnnggg forget i said that  **[2:05 am]**

 **[2:05 am]** you're so cute hoonie

 **[2:05 am]**  playing hard to get

ha  **[2:05 am]**

 **[2:05 am]** but seriously

 **[2:05 am]**  i mean. if that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable i get it

no nono it doesn't  **[2:06 am]**

it's sort of nice actually **[2:06 am]**

 **[2:06 am]**  !!!! 

 **[2:06 am]** you think so???

 **[2:06 am]** <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

stop that  **[2:06 am]**

i'll block you **[2:06 am]**

 **[2:06 am]**  asgdfh pls don't block me

 **[2:06 am]** i like you so much i don't think my self-esteem would be able to handle it

 **[2:07 am]**  hello

 **[2:08 am]**  don't ignore me

 **[2:08 am]**  is it because i said i like you so much ??? am i embarrassing you

 **[2:08 am]** because that's adorable

 **[2:08 am]**  i wish i could see your face right now

 **[2:08 am]**  it's like my favorite thing in the world to see you get all blushy n shy omggg

christ soonyoung  **[2:09 am]**

i'm glad these texts are private  **[2:09 am]**

anyone else would think we've been dating for the last two years  **[2:09 am]**

 **[2:09 am]**  we can make that happen !!!!

 **[2:11 am]**  ok ok sorry

 **[2:11 am]**  i know i'm getting ahead of myself

no  **[2:11 am]**

it's sweet **[2:11 am]**

sort of  **[2:11 am]**

 **[2:11 am]**  :''''') <3

 **[2:11 am]** it's ok jihoon u can say it ,,, i know u love me

i take it back  **[2:12 am]**

it's not sweet  **[2:12 am]**

gross boy **[2:12 am]**

 **[2:12 am]** sksksks text jihoonie is so touchy

 **[2:12 am]**  here i was thinking you're the purest angel i could've ever met

uh yeah no **[2:12 am]**

sorry  **[2:12 am]**

 **[2:13 am]**  don't apologize dumbo

 **[2:13 am]**  but jihoon

yeah  **[2:13 am]**

 **[2:13 am]** are we

 **[2:13 am]** like. dating i mean

 **[2:13 am]**  i know i get overexcited about things and i move too fast and i don't want to make you uncomfy or anything

 **[2:13 am]**  if you're not ready for labels or dating or stuff like that it's fine

 **[2:13 am]**  hell if you just wanna be friends that's also fine

 **[2:13 am]** ngl i'd be a LITTLE heartbroken but. it's fine if it's what you want

 **[2:14 am]**  just don't let me pressure you

soonyoung **[2:14 am]**

 **[2:14 am]**  yeah?

you're so cute  **[2:14 am]**

 **[2:14 am]**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shut up  **[2:14 am]**

 **[2:14 am]**  sorry i'm just so !!!

 **[2:14 am]**  jihoon called me cute !! wow !!!!!

i can't even take that one back  **[2:14 am]**

i mean it  **[2:14 am]**

i just ,, really appreciate how considerate you're being  **[2:14 am]**

and no you stupid fuck i don't just want to be friends  **[2:15 am]**

 **[2:15 am]**  you don't ??

no  **[2:15 am]**

i really like you  **[2:15 am]**

i guess  **[2:15 am]**

and being boyfriends would be ,,,nice  **[2:15 am]**

i guess **[2:15 am]**

 **[2:16 am]**  ooooh you Guess ;)))

shut it  **[2:16 am]**

 **[2:16 am]** ok i'll stop teasing

 **[2:16 am]** go to sleep now yeah??

i'll try  **[2:16 am]**

 **[2:16 am]** pls do

 **[2:16 am]** goodnight

 **[2:16 am]**  my wonderful bf :') <3

goodnight.. soonyoung  **[2:17 am]**

 **[2:17 am]**  WOW

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl i never really understood the hype with writing text fics but this ,, i get it now,, it's so fun
> 
> anyway ! something different this time around - sorry it's so short haha. can you believe there are only two more chapters left?? :0


	23. Chapter 23

☽

 

**10:09 pm.**

"Can I tell you something?"

"Sure."

"It's a little embarrassing."

Soonyoung eyes Jihoon cautiously, worrying his lower lip between his teeth, and the latter's wondering what it is, exactly, that's got him blushing so pretty - there isn't much that he thinks Soonyoung could do to deserve his negative judgment, after all.

"Tell me anyway."

"Er ... I don't actually work here as often as you think."

" ... What?"

"I mean - I do, yeah, because I'm  _here_  every night, obviously. But, I mean - God, I hate this, I don't know why I'm telling you - "

"Just say it, Soon."

"Uh, my regular shift only goes from 8 to 12 every night, and I'm allowed to take the weekends off when I feel like it. This isn't like, an eight-hours-every-day type of job."

Jihoon's expression morphs from confused to nonplussed as the other boy's words sink in, and he realizes exactly  _what_  it is he's saying. He gawks.

"It isn't?"

"No ... ? Don't you think it's a little weird that I'm here when you come in at 6 in the evening, and I'm  _still_  here when you leave at 6 in the morning? Jihoon, those aren't normal working hours. I picked those up myself."

"Soonyoung, why the  _fuck_  - "

"Because - ! Because you were coming in every night, and I - I just wanted to see you. That's all."

Jihoon leans back in his seat and stares at the boy in front of him, open-mouthed. It has to be the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard; giving up  _so much time_  that could've been spent on anything else - school work, choreographing,  _sleeping_  - and for what? For Jihoon?

His body feels like an oven, heart swelling in the surrounding heat. He tries to look incredulous, but he can't help the smile creeping over his face.

"God, you're so dumb."

"No, I - I mean yeah. Yeah, I'm dumb."

"Was it worth it?"

He's only joking, but Soonyoung's response doesn't seem to fall under the same light.

"Yeah, definitely," he says.

And okay, that's cool. Jihoon feels like he's about to implode, and that's cool. Totally fine.

He's barely able to get the words out without choking on them - "You can stop, now. Go back to working your regular hours. Get some fucking  _rest_ , for the love of God. I'm supposed to be the insomniac here, not you."

The other boy grins, "Does this mean we can take boyfriend naps together when we have free time? And you can spend the nights at my place? You seem to sleep better there, anyway."

"I already told you," he mumbles, voice dropping sheepishly, "it doesn't matter if it's at your house or not. It's just - It's just you. And, for the record, boyfriend naps sound awesome."

Soonyoung's eyes are alight, and Jihoon swears he can see comets dancing in them.

"You make my heart smile, Jihoonie."

"Yeah? I will punch you, right now."

Soonyoung laughs, and the sound alone creates a whole new tempo for Jihoon's heart to beat along to. "Gosh," he says. "I have the sweetest boyfriend."

 

**10:18 pm.**

Jihoon resorts to punching him - gently, with his lips. He finds it's a lot nicer than using his actual fist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second to last chapter ! the final update is a really, really short one, but i feel like it sort of sums up everything it needs to :')


	24. Chapter 24

**☽**

 

**every hour.**

Jihoon's living, he is. Fast and slow all at once, savoring the kindest moments offered but moving like a freight train through all the feelings. He remembers Soonyoung's lips on his, and the taste of him at the back of his throat. Passing out like he's borderline dead is easiest when the sheets smell like vanilla and laundry detergent, quick heartbeat accompanying his. He still makes fun of Mingyu for saying he sees new colors - he doesn't admit that he can see them, too.

In the night, when the stars are hidden behind factory clouds and the air is cool against his eyes. He sees them. Familiarly vibrant.

He jots lyrics in his notepad, on napkins, the skin of his palm when he needs to, always inspired. He's got those crescent eyes burned into the prettiest pink parts of his conscious.

Soonyoung holds his hand casually and kisses him like it's the happiest nothing, and oh, Jihoon's living.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it folks ! the end !
> 
> i would just quickly like to say thank you a million times over to anyone who decided to leave comments or kudos on this fic - or even just those of you who read silently and enjoyed the story; it really means so much to me. this was my first time writing something so fluffy or formatted quite like this, and to have so much support on it has made me so !! happy !! part of the reason i wanted to update so often was purely because it made my absolute day to read all the sweet comments, so thank you for that ♡♡♡
> 
> soonhoon was SO fun to write so for those of you who are sad that this is over, don't get too down ! i plan on writing more of these two very soon ;)


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